I’ve been secretly crossdressing for about a year but always when I’m on my own. I have ventured outside a few times which I found quite a turn on. I even had a few men and ladies smile at me. I am married but she doesn’t know so how would I go about telling her what I do and how I want her to help me?
Besides being honest and gentle and being prepared for the worst, there’s no right way to tell your partner about your crossdressing. There are a million wrong ways to do this, but I’ve yet to find the perfect way to come out to someone.
I have written a LOT about marriage and crossdressing and if you’re looking for my perspective on “the talk”, please take a peek here.
Just remember, this revelation will likely shock her so please be kind, be respectful. Most of us dream of our wives helping us, but please do not go into “the talk” with the goal or expectation of her doing this. Our partners can, and will have a lot of different reactions and feelings and thoughts about our coming out but being… thrilled about this is not a common response. Most wives tend to (understandably) cry as opposed to helping you apply your eyeliner, at least at first. I am trying not to be pessimistic or talk you out of coming out to her, but I think you need to be realistic about how the talk will go.
Good luck!
Love, Hannah
Have a question for me? Oh yes you do. Ask me here!
Hannah McKnight 
I was able to use technology to help me. My wife found a few things of mine and asked me about them. She knew they were mine and not some other woman’s. I told her that I wanted to tell her everything but I was extremely embarrassed by my desires but wanted her to know the truth. I explained that it was too difficult to answer questions without becoming defensive and emotional. I told her I would like to collect my thoughts and send her a document where I could explain and she could ask questions. It worked out okay. She was able to learn a bit about what drives us and was much more understanding…. Not accepting, but understanding. That’s okay. She set some guidelines and we pretty much have moved on not really discussing it further. But I don’t need to hide everything from her anymore. It make it a little easier. Just a thought on how I was able to tell my spouse.
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I think about what it would be like if a wife was caught wearing her husband’s clothes and she said she likes to cross dress – what would the reaction of the husband be? Interesting scenario…Anyway, I truly believe that if you are doing just fine w/o her knowing, keep the status quo. Works for me. Think long and hard before you divulge the truth since you may wish that you didn’t tell her.
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gosh – getting right to the point, i think it is very risky not to come out ASAP. The coming our does NOT have to be perfect. But, if she finds out, it is very unlikely that it will ever be perfect.
in my case, i had done everything right, found a wonderful therapist, written two letter waiting for the right time. But my wife discovered me on a Airnb reservation i had made. She has been great every since, but it would have been so much better to tell her than for her to find out. It shows your respect for her and the sanctity of your marriage.
good luck honey, tell her, don’t wait
brianna in Oakland]
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