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I want to know what to wear to make my body feminine and slutty/sexy.

With no disrespect to the person who asked this question, I almost shrugged this one off.

Initially it irked me a little, if I am being honest. Well, maybe not irked, but I wondered if I was the right person to ask this question to. It’s very possible I am misinterpreting the question, but I was associating slutty/sexy clothes with, well, sex. Sex and fetishes can go hand-in-hand, and we all know that crossdressing is a fetish for some of us, and for some of our admirers and chasers.

Crossdressing, my gender identity, clothes… none of this is a sexual turn-on for me. I don’t wear anything to become aroused. However, if I am being honest there are some dresses (and heels) that I wear and I DO feel sexy. But I think feeling sexy and being aroused aren’t necessarily the same thing. To me, feeling sexy is when I am feeling beautiful and feeling confident at the same time.

Does that make sense? Some dresses make me feel sexy, but nothing I wear makes me WANT to have sex. There is a difference.

The second thing that stuck out from this question is asking how one can make their body feminine. I do my best to avoid saying THIS is feminine, THIS is not. In the most simplified explanation, feeling feminine is when you feel pretty. A short dress is cute, but if you feel entirely self-conscious and, well, maybe a little silly in it, it doesn’t matter what the dress looks like it. If a dress doesn’t make you feel amazing or happy or cute, well, perhaps wear something else? I think a girl wearing leggings and a hoodie is just as feminine as a pink dress.

Also! There isn’t a standard as to what is and what is not feminine. Some of us feel we are too tall to be femme. Some of us feel our voices are too deep to be femme. Some of us feel we are too masculine to be femme. Bitch, please. No one, cis or trans, is too ANYTHING to be femme.

But something about ignoring the question didn’t feel right to me. If there’s anything I understand about girls like us, is that we all want to wear different things. We identity in many different ways. We are all on different journeys, different paths. We are all at different points in our lives. Some of us are transitioning, some of us just wear panties.

And yes, some of us crossdress and present femme because it is a fetish.

Who am I to judge? Just because this isn’t a fetish for me, it doesn’t give me the right to disregard someone who has different reasons or motivations to dress how they wish. If someone is asking for help, I feel I should do what I can. It takes a lot of courage to be who we are. For some of us visiting a website that features transgender content is one of the bravest things they’ll ever do. Sending an email to someone like me might be a huge step for them.

Blowing someone off just because they have a different and completely harmless reason to wear something is, well, kinda bitchy and judgy.

So, that being said, my initial reaction to this question wasn’t fair. Being critical of what someone wants to wear is pretty hypocritical for someone like me considering my whole… THING is that anyone can wear whatever they want.

That being said, let’s talk about this question.

First, a disclaimer. Earlier I wrote that there are no standards or expectations one must meet to have a feminine… anything. Voice, body, whatever. But I also know what someone means when they ask about how to be femme. I am going to shut off this part of my brain for this question. Sound good? Okay.

I feel I have a more feminine body when I wear three key things: my corset (to give me a more defined figure), my thigh pads/breast forms (for theeeeeee curves), and a gaff (to hide my feminine flaw. All of these items are foundational. They are not meant to be visible. The EFFECTS (if you will) are meant to be seen, but the corset itself is meant to be hidden.

Of course, these items are not cheap, but I feel that this side of us takes time, money, and patience. You don’t NEED a $300 pair of breast forms or a $200 corset or really ANYTHING to be femme, to dress femme, to be, well, anything. But since you asked me, and I am responding in my most superficial way, I feel that these items make me feel and look more feminine.

That being said, I don’t hold any other girls to the same expectations that I have for myself. I don’t think any girl (t or cis) needs to have a curvy figure (either naturally or from a waist cincher) to be femme, for example.

As for clothes, there are dresses in my closet that make feel and look sexy. Of course, not everyone thinks the same things are sexy. There’s a guy that emails me once in a while and REALLY likes it when I have my purse in a photo. I don’t think my purse is sexy, but you do you mister.

As I mentioned, some things I wear are foundational which may influence what I wear. What I mean is that a crop top might look sexy, but crop tops and corsets just don’t work. A tight skirt might be sexy, but tight skirts and a penis (even while wearing a gaff and tucking) isn’t really a good look (unless, I suppose, you are into that sort of thing and if you are, who am I to judge? You go girl!).

So, what is sexy? What is slutty? Well, that’s up to you. Sure, a low cut leather dress is sexy but if you don’t FEEL sexy in it, then it’s not a sexy dress (at least it’s not the right dress for you). Wear what you want. Wear what you want for whatever reason you wish. Sexiness (and I suppose sluttiness) is different from person to person. Again, I don’t think my purse is sexy but that one guy sure does.

Clothes can send a message, and sometimes that message is different that what is, well, intended. When I am wearing a tight and/or short dress, I am wearing it for ME. I wear it because it makes me feel cute or beautiful or sexy. I might wear it to show off my legs which I work hard to keep in shape.

But others think I am wearing the dress to send a message that I want sex. That I am wearing it for attention or comments from men. Guys, if you’re reading this, girls (cis and trans) don’t dress for YOU. We dress for each other, we dress for ourselves.

That being said, I have to acknowledge that yes, some girls wear certain things because yes, they do indeed want attention or comments from men. I mean, the whole point of this post is that there are many reasons someone wears what they wear. And yes, there are some who want to have sex with men when they are wearing lingerie or a dress or whatever.

Wow, this is long. I suppose to summarize and simplify, if you see something you think is sexy and/or slutty, wear that if you want. If a latex French Maid dress makes you feel sexy, wear it if you want. If a thong makes you feel sexy, wear it if you want.

Love, Hannah

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