Do you know what I like? I like seeing girls like us HAPPY.
And I know this side of us isn’t always rainbows and perfectly winged eyeliner. Dysphoria is sneaking around the corner, it’s frustrating to find heels that fit, laws are being passed left and right to hurt the trans community… sometimes it’s easy to feel depressed and broken hearted.
But, oh, nothing can brighten our day like wearing a favorite pair of panties or going out en femme.
We are simple girls… but at the same time we contain multitudes. It doesn’t take much for this side of me to make me happy and at the same time this girl needs an amazing makeover, a cute dress, and perfect heels.
Our journeys will throw a LOT at us. Some of the difficulties we can see a mile away, some are surprised, both welcomed and, well, unpleasant.
There is nothing more intimidating and humbling and exciting and amazing and frustrating as our first steps. This can be a LITERAL first step as we finally find stilettos that fit only to stumble a bit when we make that first timid strut.
The first time we do ANYTHING, whether it is painting our nails or… oh, I don’t know, cleaning your gutters, is a learning experience. You are likely going to fail, but the real goal is to learn something from it. You can learn what NOT to do. You learn by failing.
In the right mind set this perspective is invaluable. But… THIS side of us can really take a hit when we do something for the first time. We yearn, we ACHE for years and years to look a certain way, to feel beautiful. We see amazing women and we want to look like them.
When we are finally ready to take that first step, to follow along in a makeup tutorial on Youtube, or to try on a dress, or a million other things we want to do, we hope and we expect to see a beautiful girl beaming back at us in our mirror.
We can all recall a moment that not only humbled us, but perhaps absolutely destroyed our confidence. Our first makeup attempt was a disaster. We can’t walk in heels to save our life. The dress just… it just doesn’t fit.
It’s easy to give up. I get it. I’ve given up… but I always came back.
Remember, crossdressing takes time, patience, and money.
Give yourself the time. Be patient with yourself. Be GENTLE with yourself. You’ll get there.
I know we all have had these experiences. But in time we will get past the frustrations, the dysphoria, the humbling feeling we can get when we just don’t look as pretty as we wanted, as we expected, as we dreamed.
I follow a lot of t-girls on Flickr, I see a lot of photos on Twitter, and pictures of girls like us online. Some girls absolutely knock me out and I feel a combination of needing to up my game and wanting to just give up.
As much as I like seeing a t-girl that has invested a lot of time, patience, and money into her look (because this is what is typically necessary to achieve the look we have been dreaming of), I love seeing a t-girl’s first photo.
I haaaaate this photo, but this is one of my first pictures that I loved.
The dress doesn’t fit (the capped sleeves don’t fall where they should), my wig is a mess, my makeup needs a lot of work, but I would never wear black stockings with a white dress these days. My body language lacks confidence.
But my god, look at how happy she is.
This is how happy we ALL look in our first photos.
And how amazing is that??
After years, decades, a LIFETIME of wanting to do THIS, we’ve finally done THIS.
Our smiles say it all.
While my photos these days are (in my opinion) miles ahead of this picture and as cringy as this is, it’s still important to see this from time to time. It reminds me of how far I’ve come. It reminds me that the time, patience, and money I’ve invested in my look has paid off.
Keep at it. Keep posting those first pictures.
Love, Hannah
Hannah McKnight 
I remember that picture…and being a bit envious. Black stockings aside, and maybe in retrospect the dress was a bit ill fit, but you looked pretty and happy. I wanted to feel pretty and happy to. Its been a long, slow learning curve. I have settled for presentable rather than pretty, but when I finish the last touches of my makeup and am ready to step out into the world, I do feel complete and unqualified happiness.
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How perfectly said. Yes, when we start anything there will be growth an challenges along the way. This side of us is no different. But the rewards are tremendous. I still have a long way to go but I have come so so far. I still often feel like guy in a dress but now I get maam’d often even in guy mode.
In fact something happened last night that has started to happen frequently. I went out to dinner with my wife and waitress asked if we wanted separate checks. I was in guy mode but I suspect she thought I was a female. It may seem silly but it is so validating. I am not sure if my wife notices and if so probably annoys her a bit but she is a good sport.
I guess the point is no matter where you start, keep pushing on, it gets better and easier. We may never reach Hannah’s beauty and grace but we can all reach a level of comfort with ourselves. Just don’t give up.
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What laws are you referring to – do you even read the bills/laws? The Florida law protects 5 to 8 year olds from being exposed to gender issues that their minds cannot even comprehend yet! Has nothing, NOTHING, to do with gays! You should watch Gutfeld at night, 10:00, and learn the truth about these issues. Name one bill/law that is against cross dressers! I certainly would be against those, but this is not the intended party! Would you allow 5 to 8 years olds to drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, cigars, pot, and take drugs like heroin? Or handle guns? Of course not – these children’s minds would be so screwed up if they were forced to be exposed to gender issues such as transgenderism. The people who are pushing this are either perverts, certainly not parents or grandparents, and have no business doing what they want to do to young children’s minds!!
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Hi Jonathan,
Is that what happened you? We are here help if you need us.
You are correct the Florida bill as written is not about gay or transgender. It bans all reference to gender and sexual orientation.
I assume you’ll be the first in line to remove boys and girls from the bathrooms.
It will be great to have guardians referred to as parents instead of mothers and fathers. Way more inclusive.
Finally a complete gender neutral society!!!!!
That said, Hannah’s post had nothing to do with politics so let’s return to the previously scheduled programming and enjoy talking about growth and comfort that comes with experience.
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I replied to Jodi. She is comparing apples to onions – Yes, there are beauty shows with little kids and such activities. But it is not likely that these will screw with young minds whereas the exposure of sexual acts, genitals, that drag queen lifting up his dress in front of a child – such things are depraved and should NOT be legal! She is not understanding what I am saying – obviously! I replied to her.
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If you say so Jonathon.
I have been to many drag shows and have yet to see genitalia.
My friends have daughters in dance and it makes them very uncomfortable. But they love the mom recital. Children’s beuaty pagents are nothing but sex. But I guess that is all opinion.
The world is so over sexualized. Highlighting this one element is hyperbole.
I guess I am not ready to tell people how they should parent. Nor do I want experts like you telling me.
P.s. onions are awesome so are apples so I guess they have awesomeness in common. Little kids that go to drag shows are awesome as are those in dance. So according to the transitive property therom they are the same.
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