Sometimes the world feels overwhelming. Often life feels overwhelming.
I try to be optimistic, or at least I try to not let the bastards grind me down, but God knows that isn’t always easy.
It had been a stressful couple of days. I can’t even remember what was happening in the world at the moment but it was worrying. Work stuff was frustrating, and I was just in a baaaaad mood.
I had to run to Target and I saw a cute dress. I was in such a cranky mood that I barely stopped to appreciate it. I did see it was my size but you know the feeling when you’re in a bad mood and you just want to… I don’t know, stay in the bad mood for a bit? Like you don’t want to cheer up quite yet? That was me.
The dress had very thin straps. The type of straps that at one point I was convinced my shoulders were too masculine to wear. But I got over that. The dress was also pretty short, probably too short for someone with my body. I like showing a little leg but this dress? I would be showing a LOT of leg.
I picked up a few groceries and went home.
Eventually my mood improved and of course I started to think about that dress and how I should have bought it. Even though I was feeling pissy I couldn’t get it out of my mind. I was reminded that life is short and the time that we have is not a promise. I may live for another five decades but the life that I have, the things I am able to physically do, could all change in the blink of an eye. The day is coming when I can’t strut in heels. There will be a time when I can’t do THIS anymore.
So, I decided to take my own advice and to buy the dress.
I went back, found the dress, and wore it for my most recent photo shoot.
The dress was even shorter when I was all dolled up… breast forms and shapewear can do that. I probably should have purchased the next size up buuuut I didn’t. The length is fine in the sense that it conceals the parts it needs to conceal… as long as I don’t sit down.
This is, at the risk of being crude, my “f____ it dress”. Not because I want to be… ah, sexual while wearing it, but more like “life is short, the time we have is running out, so, f____ it, wear the dress.”
I may be too old to wear this, but in a year I’ll be even older. I might wear this dress for Pride later this month. A year ago I never thought I would wear a dress this thin, this revealing in public but again, life is short… who knows when I will have the chance to wear something like this again?