Well temptation and leather. I can’t resist leather. I just can’t.
And it’s silly. But it is what it is. But isn’t all of *this* is what it is?
When I am en femme I feel confident and brave and powerful. It’s not necessarily because of what I am wearing but it’s more of a result of all the mental barriers and fears and insecurities and dysphoria I had to conquer before I could leave the house, before I stopped caring about being read, after I realized there was no such thing as passing, before I stopped trying to blend in.
Not caring is one of the most freeing things one can experience.
Of course, not caring is not the same thing as not being compassionate, kind, or considerate, but you know what I mean.
Sometimes I think I have enough LBDs. or enough bodycon dresses with pretty floral patterns on them, but then you see IT. A dress that you KNOW you don’t NEED but you can’t imagine living another minute without it.
So you buy it and the feeling dissipates… until it happens again.
And it will. And I love that. I love finding a dress that I can’t say no to.
A few months ago I was at a second-hand boutique and I saw a dress. It was my size, it was leather, and I mean, I HAD to get it. And really, it wasn’t that different than the other leather dresses I have, but really, when has logic and reason had a chance against a WANT?
I used to save leather for nights out but I rarely am out late these days. Late nights and bold outfits tend to go together but… well, I don’t care about blending in anymore. Well, I do to a degree, there are some limits to what I will wear when I am out. I might love my thigh-high boots and pink PVC dress but I won’t wear that outfit to the mall.
Speaking of shoes, let’s talk MORE about shoes I wore with this dress.
I didn’t MEAN to buy them. I had no choice.
I mean, yes I had a choice, but I didn’t feel I had a lot of options on the day that I bought them. I was out en femme a year or so ago when the fastener on my heels stopped cooperating. Girls like us don’t have the luxury of popping into Target in a pinch and picking out a pair of heels that fit. I also “needed” black heels to go with the outfit I was wearing. I knew I had only a few places I could go that would almost guarantee where I could find a pair of black heels that would fit so off I went.
There is a chain of shops called Fantasy Gifts in the Minneapolis/Saint Paul area (and New Jersey) and they sell lingerie and um, other accessories of a sexual nature. They also, thank heavens, sell heels for people with my shoe size.
Their selection tends to be on the more fetishy side with towering platforms and six inch stilettos. Obviously I heart heels like this buuuut for the day I had planned I was hoping to find something a LITTLE more modest.
Depending on how you look at it, luck was either against me or it was running in my favor because the only option where these heels:
My heart skipped a beat and felt a combination of OMG I HEART THEM and I can’t possibly wear them while I run errands.
But guess what! I could and I did:
I am used to being the tallest girl in town but my goodness I towered over everyone. It was… an experience. A sexy experience.
Like a few other pairs of shoes I own, I couldn’t imagine wearing them in the real world so when it was time to plan my outfits for my most recent photo shoot I thought they would perfect for my newly acquired leather dress.
I love how these photos turned out. I think it’s obvious how the stilettos and the leather just… awakens something in me.