Ask Hannah!

I would love to get your expert opinion on something. I’m wondering if I should go to a crossdressing service for a makeover. My wife has known about my interests from early in our relationship. It has been a contentious topic at times (it’s something she doesn’t understand and doesn’t want to engage in) but we have settled with an understanding that I can dress whenever no one else is home.

I met my wife early after school and while she was ok with me doing it alone, she doesn’t want to be around it. As a result, I have some outfits but never do my make up or paint my nails or wear a wig because I’m too afraid I won’t take it all off before my family gets home. In therapy, I’ve come to the understanding that I want to be dressed like a girl with someone else (non sexual) but I am terrified of exposing that side of me to someone else. I am trying to work through this as I think about dressing pretty constantly and I know it’s not healthy (something needs to change). I live in an area with a service that offers crossdressing make overs … they do outfits, make up, nails, wig, everything. I feel like that would help fulfill my inner desire of both truly dressing head to toe like a girl and doing so with someone who would accept me. I brought it up with my wife and she is uneasy that it could leave me at risk for public exposure. She tries to be understanding of my desires but also wishes I could “just stop.” Would love your thoughts? Do you see a reason why going for a makeover would be a problem? Could it be helpful / beneficial? Thank you so much!

There’s really nothing like girl talk and being en femme from wig to heels is truly magical.

If you are fortunate enough to have a transformation salon in your area then I would absolutely encourage you to go…

IF (you knew there would be an if) your wife is onboard. Many of us have partners that we would, in your words, “just stop” but we all know that’s not going to happen. It sounds like your wife, although she doesn’t understand this side of you, understands that this is a part of you. So, you have that much. You have more than most of us.

As for any potential problems, there are some issues to consider. If you do this, do not go behind her back. Keep in mind that this side of us is not going away and can often lead to the Pink Fog. The Pink Fog can influence our decisions and can cause us to do things we PROBABLY shouldn’t. For me, I can’t resist a photo shoot for very long. If you go, I think you will have one of the best days of your life… and it won’t be long until you want to go again. BUT these services are expensive. Multiple visits may cause tension between you and your wife, but they may also impact your financially as well.

Listen to her. Listen to her what she says while you discuss this. Listen to what she doesn’t say. Notice her nonverbal communication, her body language. If you think this would be a very contentious decision, it may not be the wisest choice.

The biggest commitment we make in our lives is the one we make to our partners. We must respect them and their feelings.

I don’t want to be a wet blanket and I applaud your communication with her. Keep doing that. Keep living within any boundaries she’s requested. Keep going to therapy. Keep being honest.

Love, Hannah

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3 thoughts on “Ask Hannah!

  1. the key part of your response was that it will not be long until you want to go again.
    all of the ramifications of that versus marriage should be thought out because -as I was warned a long time ago-“it will get a hold of you” so true

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  2. I have had 4 pro makeovers, only one in the city where I live. The last was about ten years ago, the first ten years before that. I am in a similar marriage situation. Wife knows, doesn’t want to see me fully dressed. All of the makeovers were extremely fulfilling and confirming for me. They did not lead me to feel compelled to want to do it again right away, but did reassure me of my inner femininity and that I could choose to be with my wife rather than “live the life.” I loved every minute of those makers and still will count them as highlights of my (long) life. Nancy

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  3. It is so true that what your wife doesn’t say can really get to the point of her true feelings. My wife does not like this part of me at all. But I am allowed to get away with wearing casual womenswear and even getting out occasionally to events put on by a local trans club, full en femme. Every now and then she will express her concern and contempt, if that is the right word, towards me, maybe pushing too hard. But what she doesn’t say, is definitely felt when she is getting her point across. Body language is far more useful as a way to get me to understand I’ve gone too far. Good luck

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