Since you feel better and more productive as Hannah, why don’t you live more and more as Hannah? Hannah seems stronger than your male self.
You are absolutely right. Hannah is stronger than my male self because the everyday things she does are harder than the same tasks that he does.
This is cis male privilege, in my opinion. He can spend all day running errands and he never thinks about, well, anything. When Hannah does anything she has to be completely aware of her surroundings lest she is confronted by someone who isn’t a fan of the trans community. She can be followed, harassed, and attacked. Sometimes her stopping to get a cup of coffee is the bravest thing I can do.
But for him? Life and day to day adventures are incredibly easy. No one harasses him, no one points, he never has to look over his shoulder to see if someone is looking at him menacingly.
It’s similar to you can only be brave when you are afraid.
I feel content with the balance that both she and I have in OUR life/lives. I don’t feel the need to present as Hannah more than I already do.
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