When I was in my late teenage years and in my early twenties I was, in a way, just starting out. I had been trying on femme clothes for my entire existence but at this point in my life I was beginning to shop for my own clothes… clothes I didn’t have to sneak from my sisters.
This took a new set of skills. Not only did I need to learn about sizes and what would fit me (of course, there is no consistency when it comes to this) but I also had to, hm, be stealthy about this.
I had to learn about to browse through the lingerie department of a store so I wouldn’t stand out or draw too much attention to myself. I couldn’t look like I was shopping for my own wardrobe. I had to be quick but careful.
Selecting new panties also had the inevitable experience of interacting with the cashier, the arch enemy of a closeted crossdresser. Fortunately these days there’s the option of online shopping and self-checkout.
BUT! There’s also the reality that no one really cares. I worked retail in my teens and unless the customer was behaving very oddly I immediately put them out of my mind once I handed them their receipt. Yes, many, MANY men bought femme clothes and I knew WHY they were likely buying a bra. After all, I am One Of Them.
But even if I wasn’t? Let’s face it, people, of any gender, tend to buy lingerie for themselves.
Customers asked the same questions I did when I would shop for femme clothes. “If this doesn’t fit HER (implying they were buying stockings for a lady), can SHE return it?” Oh, I must have thought I was so clever when I asked the clerk these and similar questions. I felt that this line of dialogue would dispel any suspicion that I was buying this cute matching bra and panty for myself.
There are businesses in many cities that are frequented by masculine presenting people who are buying femme clothes. It’s not uncommon for these shops to be more on the fetishy side that sell size 15 stilettos, for example. I would shop at stores like these and the clerks knew I was looking at heels for myself so both the staff and I could drop any charade. Thank God.
Years ago, I was feeling particularly brave one evening. I was also feeling… hm, defiant? Apathetic? I was in the final days of a relationship that was ending and I was feeling a combination of excitement of a new start and anger and sadness over the break up. I hold no ill will towards her. We were both young and both navigating relationships and the new world that one in their early twenties is learning to live in.
She was the first person I ever came out to and well, it didn’t go well. Again, I have no ill will towards her because of this. We were both young and this was decades ago. Living outside the gender binary was not as common as it is now. PLUS! you can be as accepting and supportive of the LGBTQ+ community as you possibly can be… but it’s still a little weird and takes some getting used to when it’s your own significant other telling you that he likes to wear lingerie and high heels.
Since the relationship was on life-support and the plug was getting pulled any minute I saw no reason why I shouldn’t go shopping for lingerie and stilettos. Out of respect for my soon-to-be ex I didn’t dress (well, not that often) while we dated but there was nothing stopping me anymore.
I can’t remember the name of the business I visited and they are no longer operating but this particularly shop sold everything from PVC dresses to skyscraper heels to fetish wear to, well, normal clothes. I tried on a few dresses and heels and the salesgirl and I were chatting openly about, well, THIS side of me.
She opened the glass display case under the register and brought out a pair of breast forms. I immediately felt I was at a precipice of a new world. I was faced with crossing a threshold of my gender identity. Was THIS side of me only about clothes or was there something MORE? Did I simply like to wear lingerie OR was there possibly another gender identity sleeping in my heart? Breast forms symbolized the transition of wearing femme clothes to, well, presenting en femme.
I’m sure it was no more than a few moments but it felt like a lifetime passed as I considered purchasing them. I declined but happily bought a pair of black patent stilettos that would ultimately be purged as the cycle of buying femme clothes and tossing them a few days or weeks later would continue as it would for the next decade.
In retrospect I realize I was contemplating this side of me on a level I had never really considered too deeply before. Was THIS about wearing girl clothes or was THIS about presenting as a girl or was THIS about wanting to BE a girl?
Years would pass until I accepted and embraced what THIS was all about. It’s not just one easy answer. I love “girl” clothes. I’ll wear panties and leggings and nightgowns until I breathe my last breath. I love looking cute and having my makeup done. I love interacting with the world as a girl.
…but transitioning? No. That’s not the right direction for me.
For me, presenting en femme is a combination of a wig, makeup, jewelry, heels, clothes, and SHAPE. I am not trying to pass and I don’t believe in it and even if I did I have no illusion about my ability to blend in. I don’t try to “pass” or blend but I do want to look as femme as I can. There is a difference.
When I started to get serious about “real” clothes I started to invest a lot of time (and money) into my look. The right outfit, the right style, the right color, the right fit, the right everything. Most of us know that a dress looks and fits differently in boy mode vs girl mode. I have some dresses that zip up fine in boy mode but when I have my thigh pads and breast forms? That zipper is not going to zip. I also have dresses that look very unflattering in boy mode but look A-MAZ-ING when I have my corset on.
Through the trial and error of wearing femme clothes you start to learn the nuances of sizing and how inconsistent they are. If you order a dress online or buy heels without trying them on you quickly learn that sizes are more or less arbitrary. Sure, I may be a 12 dress size and most of my stilettos are also a 12… but that number means little when I am out shopping. It’s all about what FITS and what you feel when you wear an outfit.
Since we roll the dice on clothes when it comes to sizing and discovering our style we realize that THIS side of us requires time, money, and patience. It demands a financial investment. That’s NOT to say you NEED a pair of $400 thigh pads or a $200 corset, but whether it’s a pair of cheap panties or the lowest priced lipstick at the store, if you want SOMETHING, be it femme clothes or anything else, you’re PROBABLY going to have to spend money on it.
I don’t mean to trivialize gender identity or gender presentation but if I overly simplify who I am then I must accept that THIS can be, and for me it IS, a very expensive “hobby”.
I had no issue or qualms about dropping money on new shoes or outfits when I expanded my wardrobe from lingerie to proper clothes. Indeed, I was probably a little too… eager to do this and was very much lost in the Pink Fog. But I was always hesitant to invest in forms. It was more appealing to spend $400 on dresses and heels than to spend the same amount on pads.
Eventually I did order a pair of breast forms. But they weren’t REAL forms, mind you. Just a simple pair of silicone padded forms. But they did the trick. Not only on a practical and visual level, but they also impacted me on an… emotional(?) level. That’s not to say I was brought to tears or anything but I loved how they looked and how they made me feel. LOOKING pretty and FEELING pretty don’t always go hand-in-hand.
A few years ago I was sent a pair of forms by the amazing goddesses at The Breast Form Store. To say they changed my life would be an understatement. I felt… and looked amazing. I felt femme, I LOOKED femme. I couldn’t imagine dressing without them.
Whether it’s an iPhone or breast forms, things tend to be redesigned and improved. If you had asked what could be done to improve the forms I was sent I would be at a loss for words (yes, this CAN happen, lol). If anything, I felt that the nipple on these forms was a little too… ah, pronounced. It seemed like I was always nipping out no matter if I was wearing a tight dress or a padded bra.
Buuut I was delighted to find out how wrong I was. I was provided a pair of The Breast Form’s newest forms last year to review and I am delighted to share my thoughts after months of wearing them.
Their website describes the Hera as the ULTIMATE, most PERFECT crossdresser breast forms ever! I mean, that’s a pretty bold and definitive statement. But my God, they’re right, “It’s not bragging if it’s true”, as the saying goes.
If you’ve never worn forms before, terms like “silicone” mean very little. When it comes to forms, in my opinion, it comes down to how they LOOK and how they FEEL. The Breast Form Store’s website has a nice description of the, ah, technical aspects of these amazing forms so let’s chat about my experiences.
I don’t have natural breasts so I can’t comment on whether or not they feel NATURAL. However, I can absolutely attest to how they move with me. How they bounce when I strut. How I can wear them and feel their weight.
The Hera is described as “squishy” which sounds unappealing but it’s a perfect word. I’ve worn my Heras with sports bras and with lingerie and practical bras and there’s been no issue. My forms responded to my tight sports bra and they present themselves in all their cleavage glory when I wear a push-up bra.
There are many options when it comes to the Hera in terms of customization. I provided The Breast Form Store with my measurements and I feel and look proportionate with these forms. Simply put I am amazed at how natural and real I look and feel.
For over a year I’ve worn them each time I’ve gone out, whether it’s a day of shopping or for a photo shoot. Whether sitting, standing, walking, or laying down my forms move with me and rest in a natural way.
Are these forms cheap? No. Are they an investment? Absolutely. Do you NEED forms to be femme? Of course not. Will they help you “pass”? Well, I don’t believe in “passing” as this side of us is for US and what we want to wear and how we feel and think about ourselves.
If you are considering forms, whether it’s time for an upgrade or you’re ready for your first pair, I hope you consider the Hera.