“I’m Not The Man…

…they think I am at home.”

-Elton John

Sometimes I feel like I am Little Miss Oversharing as I just ramble on and on and on about anything that is on my mind. But when I think about it, I realize how much I keep to myself. I am intentionally vague about where I live (but for good reason) for example. I mean, obviously I am not going to disclose my address on my website, but some of my t-girl friends that I know in real life asked me about my new house recently and where we now live. I typically give a somewhat vague answer, a general idea of where my wife and dresses are.

Same with my job. When someone asks about my day job I respond that I work for a college.

I could get a lot more specific. I get pressed sometimes with follow up questions or requests for more information (generally this is not for nefarious reasons), usually people are just curious or making conversations. Buuut I still keep my responses pretty vague.

This is a partially an effort to keep both sides of me protected. I don’t want HER friends to know too much about him, and I don’t want anyone HE knows to know about HER… unless it’s my decision.

But it’s also because, well, when I am en femme I don’t think who HE is is important. He doesn’t have an interesting life. It’s a very good life, but there’s not much to say about it. Being en femme is, in part, a nice break from his world. It’s like… going on vacation and not wanting to think about the work piling up while you are out of the office.

Because of the very thick line that separates my two worlds from each other, there is very, very little overlap. Very, very few people know about both of me, all of me.

I sometimes reflect on this and it can be pretty amusing to me. I’ll get a new outfit delivered to me and I’ll be trying it on only for my boss to call and we have a quick chat about Work Stuff while I am wearing a cute bodycon dress (I work from home if it wasn’t obvious, lol).

If only he knew, right?

I got to thinking about this during my last photo shoot. I was wearing lingerie and thigh high stockings and was just lost in the moment. Shannonlee needed to do some adjusting with her camera so I had a few minutes to check my email.

I spent a little time going through messages from my colleagues and smiled to myself realizing that they had no idea what I was doing or wearing. How I was spending my Saturday afternoon would likely blow their minds.

I am not the man they think I am home, indeed.

I have similar thoughts on Mondays when my colleagues and I chat about our weekends. What did I do? I had an amazing makeover, modeled lingerie, and wore glittery stilettos to a coffee shop. But what do I actually tell them? That it was a pretty lazy weekend and unpacked the last of the boxes from our move.

It’s not a lie… I just left the fun parts out.

Love, Hannah

7 thoughts on ““I’m Not The Man…

  1. Well done , Hannah, although your way of keeping the two sides of you separate is right for you, my strategy is different. At 84 years old and retired from 40 years as a college professor, I do not make a secret of my non binary attitude and occasional cross dressing. For me it’s more honest about the way I like to live . I absolutely love your blog. Please continue to share. Tom (pippin)


  2. With one exception, the people I interact with in my CD/TG group don’t know where I live or work either. But even with my vagueness, I’ve found my female identity allows me to open up to them about my personal problems. Guess it’s one of the strengths I have as a crossdresser.


  3. It is a curious dual life we live. I still work (not quite full time and remotely) and have accepted those calls, and wondering how the caller might react.


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