Walking Around in Women’s Underwear

The holidays are here and the world is doing everything it can to remind us. DO YOUR SHOPPING! VISIT THE RELATIVES THAT YOU HATE! MAX OUT YOUR CREDIT CARDS!

Each year I try to use the end of year festivities as a chance to rest and recuperate. Of course that never happens. Work holiday parties and family gatherings, although can be very nice, chip away at any down time and any hibernating that we look forward to and likely need.

With Christmas Eve and Christmas day two weeks away (my God, TWO weeks away??) I am once again looking forward to slowing down a bit, even if it’s just for a couple of days. But I know it’s not going to happen. Each year Christmas and then New Year’s come barging in and then abruptly leave and I realize that no, any downtime I had looked forward to just didn’t happen.

And I think to myself, well, maybe next year. But I know it won’t happen.

….

This is starting a lot more introspective than I had planned.

Anyway, I was raised in a house where as soon as the first of December hit, the needle on the record player would drop and Christmas music was playing in the background for the next few weeks. These are some of the first songs we learn and possibly love. When we get a little older we realize that some songs (looking at you, 12 Days of Christmas) are just… stupid. We realize that just because a song is a classic, Christmas or otherwise, it doesn’t mean it’s actually good.

But in the years between childhood wonder of Christmas and the teen years of Christmas cynicism, we discover the world of parody, specifically the satire of holiday music. As kids we thought “Jingle Bells, Batman smells…” and “Joy to the world, the school burned down…” was peak comedy.

It felt rebellious, in a way.

I don’t remember when I first heard the revised lyrics of “Walking in a Winter Wonderland” in a little tune called “Walking Around in Women’s Underwear” by Bob Rivers.

Lacey things, the wife is missing.
Didn’t ask, for her permission
I’m wearing her clothes,
Her silk pantyhose.
Walking ’round in women’s underwear.

In the store, there’s a teddy.
With little straps, like spaghetti.
It holds me so tight,
Like handcuffs at night.
Walking ’round in women’s underwear

In the office there’s a guy named Melvin.
He pretends that I am Murphy Brown.
He’ll say “Are you ready?”
I’ll say, “Woah man! Lets wait until the wife is out of town.”
Later on, if you wanna,
We can dress, like Madonna.
Put on some eye shade, and join the parade.
Walking ’round in women’s underwear.

Lacey things, missing.
Didn’t ask, permission.
Wearing her clothes, silk pantyhose.
Walking ’round in women’s underwear.
Walking ’round in women’s underwear.
Walking ’round in women’s underwear……

For very obvious reasons, I was mesmerized by that song. YES, I DO want to walk ’round in women’s underwear.

I knew that the song was supposed to be hilarious and it kind of annoyed me that there was one more thing out there that portrayed this side of me for laughs, but I still loved the song.

Looking back I can see what parts of the lyrics stood out to me. “Straps like spaghetti” and “silk pantyhose” piqued my attention. Like… this song gets it. Of course, the song also discussed opportunities to dress increased when your family wasn’t home and goodness I could relate to that.

I hope Santa brings you a new negligee this year and that we all have a little time to strut (or rest) in the clothes that make us happiest, the clothes that make us whole.

Love, Hannah