A New Year and a New World

I don’t know anyone who isn’t looking forward to the new year. No one is saying things like “I don’t want 2022 to end!”. It’s like that weird classmate who loved high school and never wanted it to end. The years feel like they are getting longer and it feels like so much happens in 365 (or 366 days). Too many events and there’s too much to process.

Flipping the calendar to a new year is not unlike closing a browser tab. You’re done. You’re moving on. You HAVE to. The passage of time is both cruel and gentle.

You may not know what lies ahead but it’s hopefully better than what we’re moving on from.

This is not to say to that the previous twelve months were necessarily bad. “Dumpster fire” is a term that is being used more and more often to summarize the last few years. We HOPE the next year is better even though the recent track record doesn’t give us a lot of reason to be optimistic.

But we’re still optimistic. How wonderful is that? Despite, well, EVERYTHING, we still hope and expect and plan for better days. We might talk about lowering our expectations but inside our hearts are overflowing with a wish.

As 2022 comes crashing (or limping) to an end it’s inevitable that we look back on the last twelve months. We’re recalling the reasons why we’re relieved the year is almost over but hopefully we’re also remembering why the year wasn’t a complete mess.

This year was exhausting… but then again they all are. When I woke up on January first this year I couldn’t help but think about everything that the new year might bring. All the plans and thoughts that I put off until the new year asked for my attention.

And there was no way I was going to be able to do everything. Not without losing my mind, anyway.

But here we are. 2023 is only hours away and somehow everything worked out?? There were hiccups and detours and disappointments and frustrations and stress but those things are inevitable. I don’t know how everything worked out but it did. I mean, maybe I DID lose my mind after all??

It’s a reminder that I need to, for lack of a better phrase, play the long game. Creation and change is never easy and they can usually be messy and discouraging.

Every time I thought “there’s no way I can do this”, once the dust (or glittered) settled I found myself thinking “wow, I did it” even if it happened in a way I didn’t plan for or with the quite the same outcome I had expected. Things happen the way they are meant to.

This is not to say that I don’t fail. I stumble. I fall on my face. I make mistakes. I trip up stairs, I fall down stairs. All the time. Every day.

But the big things usually work out.

I hope for the upcoming year I can stop focusing on the small things. That’s all. That’s my wish for 2023.

I mean, yes, I have other wishes for the new year but they tend to be more… attainable? I don’t expect to have a very easy time not hyper focusing on the small things so we’ll see how THAT goes. But that’s on HIM. The dreams I have for Hannah are a lot more fun and arguably a lot more shallow, lol.

I really am enjoying Hannah getting out of her comfort zone, if you will. I mean, that’s what this side of us is all about, isn’t it? These moments can be teeny tiny as we quietly think to ourselves “I like to wear dresses” and are as monumental as buying our first pair of panties. As our journeys progress with all the linearity of a distracted and over caffeinated squirrel, we dart off spontaneously and sporadically in completely different directions and then eventually make our way back to our paths.

Every single thing Hannah has become is a result of strutting or tiptoeing out of her zone. Modeling, blogging, starting the MN T-Girls… these things did not happen quickly or easily. All of these things were initiated by me, fueled by ambition and arguably ego.

And it’s all been extremely exciting and fulfilling and humbling and expensive.

Photo shoots are a wonderful way to try something new in a relatively safe environment. I was terrified of modeling lingerie but working with my photographer friend made the experience a lot easier. These days a photo shoot with lingerie is pretty…well, whatever when it comes to feeling uncomfortable.

I love clothes and I love discovering how a new look impacts how I feel. Does a dress make me feel confident? Sexy? Beautiful? Powerful? Self-conscious? Dysphoric? Possibly… just not right? It’s humbling when something just doesn’t look as cute as I had hoped it would but my goodness it’s fun to find out.

I have some new outfits that I will wear for my next photo shoot that I am planning for February. The outfits all kind of run the gamut when it comes to different looks and I couldn’t be more excited. These are the shoots I want to do more of, whether it’s a new style or a new location to shoot in. As always I would love your suggestions.

You probably have goals for HER as well. It wouldn’t surprise me that may of you are looking at 2023 as the year that you make small steps or large struts. Your goals could be anything from buying a pair of heels, coming out to someone, or stepping out en femme for the first time.

And I am so excited for you.

Listen.

We will all stumble in the new year. We will all make new mistakes and say the wrong things and wear the wrong outfit. We will teeter in our stilettos and struggle to reach the zipper in the back of our new dress.

There’s nothing wrong with making mistakes. Be kind to yourself when they happen. Don’t quit when they happen. Mistakes are part of success.

Ask for help when you need it. Be honest with yourself and with your partner.

Be patient.

Be YOU.

Love, Hannah