Showtime, Baby

I have a lot of clothes and I have a lot of pictures of me wearing clothes (and a lot of pictures of me NOT wearing a lot of clothes).

Sometimes there’s a photo of a dress that I don’t necessarily like but I love how the photo turned out and it changes my perspective on it. There are also outfits that I love that I can’t seem to get a good picture of. This isn’t the fault of my photographer, mind you. Shannonlee always does amazing work… especially considering her model.

I am not saying I am a hideous monster by any means, but I am not a model… not really. I mean, I do modeling but I can’t bring myself to calling myself a model. Does that make sense? I don’t know how to pose or, well, HOW to model. If a good picture is taken it’s a combination of Shannonlee guiding me, her talent, the outfit, and sometimes a bit of luck.

Not to get into the specifics of anything, but when I am doing a photo shoot for En Femme there’s an agreement that some pictures taken are for En Femme to publish and use for marketing and I don’t necessarily have the permission to post them on my website or social media. The publishing rights, if you will, are En Femme’s.

And that’s absolutely normal. That’s showbiz, baby.

Sometimes Shannonlee will take a photo for En Femme that I absolutely love… but I can’t post it. And that’s okay, it happens. There will be other photos that I like. Luckily we usually take so many pictures that even if I am not able to share that specific one there are others similar enough that I like that I can post.

BUT not always.

We did a shoot for En Femme in the summer of 2020 and one of the outfits I modeled was a cute top and skirt. Loved this look. We took our normal amount of pictures and when it came time to send them to En Femme I was a little crushed that there were only a handful that I liked.

Again, this isn’t the fault of Shannonlee. If my head was tilted in a certain way my jawline may have looked more masculine than I like. Perhaps the angle of the shot made my shoulders looked too blocky. And so on. Essentially the only photos of the outfit that I liked would be sent to En Femme and I wouldn’t have the right to share any of it. There were no leftovers, in a way.

Again, this is absolutely normal. I have written things for transgender magazines and websites that I am not able to share on my own site so it’s part of business, I suppose.

I’ve always meant to wear the outfit for another photo shoot so I could post it. So I did! This was one of my looks from the most recent MN T-Girl’s photo shoot. What I love about these photos is how much fun I am clearly having, especially in the last one where I am cackling like a loon.

Preparing for photo shoots is tiresome. The studio is booked in advance, settling on a date that works for Shannonlee, scheduling my makeover, deciding on outfits, and coordinating the details with the other girls who are coming is a lot of work. The day of the shoot is a lot of running around and preparing for things going wrong. By the time the shoot begins I am already exhausted.

But once it does begin I’ve kind of done everything that CAN be done. It’s showtime, baby. I may as well have some fun. I shook off the stress of the morning, I tried to push the hectic workweek behind me, I tapped into the fun and bliss that Hannah represents to me.

And I think you can see the joy in these pictures. I’m glad I have photos of this outfit that I can post… but I am also glad I have this happy moment captured.

Love, Hannah