I Wanted to be Wrong

I have to admit, even at my most cynical, I am surprised at how quickly and frightening things have escalated for anyone who identifies as something other than cisgender.

Obviously the war, if you will, against the transgender community has been happening for a while, and much of it was said to be done as a way to protect kids. Banning drag queen story time or prohibiting hormone therapy is/was done to eliminate “confusing” children. Some lawmakers think that children are too young to make decisions about their bodies and identity.

But at the same time some states don’t have minimal age laws when it comes to marriage. I think a lifelong commitment to someone is a pretty serious decision. Hypocrisy is alive and well.

But I digress.

This post isn’t about kids, necessarily. I don’t think a drag queen confuses anyone and a teenager wanting to discuss HRT is likely mature enough to know what feels right and what feels, well, not right. And besides, anyone taking hormones and/or transitioning doesn’t make that decision alone and it doesn’t happen quickly. Even before we were put into this spotlight anyone who wanted to transition likely went through years of therapy and medical treatment before a single prescription was written.

Besides, kids are smarter than they are usually given credit for. I knew who I was at a young age. I knew none of this was a phase and I realized pretty early I wasn’t going to grow out of this. I also knew what wasn’t right for me. I liked who I was and who I am and I wasn’t uncomfortable being a boy. I knew transitioning wouldn’t be right for me. And decades later it still isn’t. Never was.

Many states have made “progress” in banning therapy and medical care when it comes to transgender youth. Again, all under the guise of “protecting kids”. Whether these laws are truly under the belief that this legislation is protecting the kids or that the lawmakers are just incredibly ill-informed or if these laws are motivated by cruelty is irrelevant. At the end of the day, the laws are passed and kids are denied what is often life-saving medical care.

This post is about where things are going next.

Before I go any further I want to talk about potential comments on this post. As I’ve expressed before, I don’t like deleting comments. However I do want comments to be constructive and not filled with inaccurate “facts” or harmful perspectives. Comments about how drag performances are “sex shows” are not likely to be approved. I’ve seen countless drag performance and none of them would be considered in that way. If you see a penis at a performance, more than likely you are at a strip club, not a drag show. I have little patience these days for off the rails comments and I feel less conflicted these days about deleting a comment that is completely unhinged. If you are frustrated that your comment isn’t approved then perhaps this isn’t the right website for you. Criticism is fine but let’s keep it constructive, civil, and factual.

As states “accomplish” their goal of making it almost impossible for young people to be who they are, it’s obvious what their next mission is. For so long it was under the guise of “protecting children” and the idea that they are too young to make such a decision. Some were passed to make competition in sports “fair”. But many states are now turning to banning treatment to adults, too. Many of these laws are intentionally vague and open to interpretation and I think that is exactly the point.

I’ve written about states banning gender affirming care for adults and I received so many emails telling me I was being paranoid and pessimistic. I wish that was the case.

Lawmakers didn’t stop at our youth, they won’t stop at preventing medical treatment for adults, and it’s not outside the scope of possibility that they next turn towards people like myself. People who were AMAB but present en femme. People who are legally men who buy and wear panties.

How can that be enforced? Easy. A “concerned citizen” can call the police to report a transgender person is at the mall. The cops show up, ask for my ID, and then confirm that I am legally male. Is it illegal to wear a dress or makeup? No. But could a law pass that says that people who are legally/medically male are prohibited from wearing dresses/skirts/makeup/etc.? Absolutely.

We live in a country that only a few decades ago, forcibly put Asian Americans into “resettlement camps”. Could that happen? Whether it’s likely or not it’s not impossible to suppose.

Besides voting I really don’t know what can be done to slow this or to stop this. Even if you aren’t transitioning or have any plans to, this impacts everyone that has or has had a penis and wears “girl clothes”.

I expect I’ll get emails or comments again about how paranoid or pessimistic I am. I hope I am.

Love, Hannah

20 thoughts on “I Wanted to be Wrong

  1. Hi Hannah,

    Luckily we both live in Minnesota. For now Minnesota is a safe space.

    We welcome all you beautiful people to our state to help the vote to keep it this way. We can show the world how empathy, compassion and kindness can result in economic success and happiness as we have all along.

    Yes this is a challenging time for us but we are still way better off then when I was a child. We have to vote always, everytime no matter if it is for school boards or city council or President.

    On those rough days we can always drink lots of Bud Light, Coors and Miller, companies that support us.

    Let’s follow in the footsteps of Sarah McBride. When I was a child I couldn’t fathom having a openly transgender state senator. This isn’t over, in fact we have just started.

    Lets show everyone that we are good people.

    Sorry for the rant.



  2. Hi Hannah,
    I do not think you are being pessimistic or paranoid: you are, I believe, being realistic. The hate and fear and power seeking that the right wing is using to get all of these awful anti-trans, anti-everything but white christian male laws passed is nothing short of stunning. Could it get even worse? For sure. Will it? No one knows right now. The Biden administration is doing some good things to counter the right wing hate and ignorance.

    There have always been plenty of awful people in the world, with awful ideas, but they are so much more able to make their wretched ideas heard today with the availability of mass electronic media available to anyone at the click of a button.

    On the other side of the sensibility dial many of the participants at the recent Keystone Conference, in Harrisburg, PA, have posted wonderful, affirming, and really heartwarming accounts of their experiences at the conference. So many gender fluid and otherwise non-conforming individuals are just trying to enjoy their day being who they want to be and not bothering anyone about it.

    There are many good people who support the non-binary, gender fluid, and otherwise non-conforming folks of the world, and hopefully that cohort continues to grow in numbers.
    Enjoy the day whenever possible!
    Best to you.
    Marissa in Ohio


  3. Just want to say: three cheers for Dylan Mulvaney! I don’t much like Bud Light, but I’m seriously thinking about going out to buy a six-pack just to show a little support for her, and Anheuser-Busch, for putting her face on a Bud Light can.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Hannah, I feel that you and I are somewhat on the same page. Here is my editorial for the May Pretty T Girls magazine

    History Repeated?
    An Editorial by: Barbara Jean

    It is said that we teach history to keep from repeating the mistakes of the past. But history does tend to repeat itself. Why, because we sugar coat and teach the part of history that we like and want future generations to know about, and sweep under the rug the part we don’t want future generations to know about. That is the part of history that will repeat itself.

    During the first six years of Hitler’s dictatorship, government at every level—Reich, state and municipal—adopted hundreds of laws, decrees, directives, guidelines, and regulations that increasingly restricted the civil and human rights of Jews in Germany.

    In their 25-point party program published in 1920, Nazi Party members publicly declared their intention to segregate Jews from “Aryan” society and to abrogate their political, legal, and civil rights.
    All in all the Nazi regime enacted some 2,000 anti-Jewish decrees, effectively prohibiting Jews from taking part in all facets of public and private life, from work to entertainment to education.
    As I look at the above, and look at the way republicans are passing anti-transgender laws, I have to ask, is history repeating itself?

    The Jewish people were made outcast, stripped of their citizenship and rights. Today we see republicans passing laws that prohibit our health care, prohibit transwomen from competing in sports with ciswomen, attempting to punish parents for supporting their trans children, books are being banned, teachers are being told what they can and cannot teach. The list goes on and on.
    To escape the Nazi’s hundreds of thousands of Jews emigrated, mainly to Palestine and the United States, but also to Western European countries like France, Belgium, Holland and the UK. By the start of the Second World War, nearly half of Germany’s Jewish population had left the country.

    In the 1960’s many men who were of draft age fled to Canada to escape being sent to Vietnam. Today will it be necessary for those of us who are transgender to flee to Canada or Mexico to escape the new Nazi party otherwise known as Republicans?


  5. Ok I’m going to be upfront here, I tend to be on the conservative side of the political spectrum but these laws and how they are harming families who love their children and want what they believe is best are just crazy
    Being trans should never be seen as criminal and it breaks my heart to see what is going on,
    These legislators should be focused on real issues, like inflation, border problems and so many other things that are effecting everyone
    I don’t really understand this attack on what is only about 5 to 10 percent of the US population


  6. I think the problem is that adults ( parents) can steer a very young child down a path that is not strictly the one they need. I knew from a young age that I was slightly left field. But only as I progressed into adulthood did I feel ready to choose. I was torn between full sex change or living as transvestite ( in 70s). Everyone told me I looked more female that male with no body hair etc. Back then living and dressing as woman but working in my engineering role was impossible. Going full sex change was off when I found that I didn’t actually like men sexually when out in public as a woman. I liked the attention but nothing else. I still fancied women , which would technically have made me a lesbian. So I stayed as a man who could pass as woman in public when the mood was right. Here in the UK the law states that if you present as a woman legally you must be treated as such. That is ok for us who make an effort to look womanly but hard for the public when its just a man who has put on a dress and expects to be treated a woman because the law says so. Making rules and laws are ok if they make sense, But if it force people to go against an instinct it creates issues. This gender thing is fraught with complications are not all are the same. I think if young people arrive at a conclusion themselves that’s ok but these days social media plays a huge part. In one school here some kids ( boys) were changing gender week by week depending upon which trend was strongest that week. A lad left school after swapping from boy to girl to boy to girl , finally deciding he was now a girl. “Her” parents had given up fighting the battle and went with it. Away from school friends and influence she then found life as a girl was not great after all. Her natural tendency was for male pursuits and so with months he was back playing with his brothers and mates. Sadly I feel this is how things will go from now on. Those who shouted loudest win – for a while !!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think that is exactly how it should work. It is ok to go back and forth until you figure it out. This is why a psychological evaluation is necessary for hormones.

      We as a society just need to get to a place where we don’t care if a kid does this. The problem right now is society tries to shame the kid back into the closet.


  7. Well, take this comment as from someone who never thought Trump could be elected.

    I think/hope you are being overly pessimistic.

    Let’s view these actions from the proper perspective.

    The Republican party has an ever shrinking base. The base is mainly 1) older white guys and 2) evangelicals. Because of the Republican aversion to masks and vaccines, Republican leaders killed off a number of their supporters due to Covid. As to evangelicals, surveys show that church attendance declines every year because young people aren’t buying what the church fanatics are selling.

    Republicans often remain in office because of gerrymander districts and voter suppression tactics (when they aren’t rioting to prevent the election of a President). They also need tactics to fire up their base.

    They can’t use abortion anymore, because the Supreme Court reversed Roe. They can’t pick on gays because surveys show acceptance of gays–and all of the fear mongering about gay marriage hasn’t created any societal negatives. They don’t really care about trans care or trans people other than they are the latest whipping boys in their pursuit to remain in power.

    Because of the gerrymanders, or the nature of the Senate, any Republican moderates have gone the way of the dodo because if they don’t move to the far right, they get primaried by someone who is to the far right (the Michelle Bachmans of the world).

    In many ways, the actions regarding trans people is mostly performance art. The only thing Republicans really care about are guns and tax cuts. A functioning government? No way. Picking on trans people is their way to maintain their real intents (well, right wing judges too).

    Outside the political halls, life has NEVER been better for LGBT individuals. When I’ve been out–probably 500 times in the past 6 years, in multiple locations on two continents–people have been accepting. I’ve never had an issue while out. I’ve made friends while being out. I went to a Springsteen concert in a dress and heels and fishnet stockings in North Carolina–home of one the original bathroom fights–and had no issues. And yes I used the ladies loo and stood in line with all of the rest of the ladies in line.

    Our local group, the St. Louis Gender Foundation, in existence for over 40 years, is in the process of disbanding. Our meetings are now at public restaurants, instead of hiding away in a hotel room with a catered meal. There is no need to hide away and fear the worse.

    Cynical Republican politicians (yes Rach, they are Republican, and if you vote Republican you are part of the problem) are using trans people for political purposes while the rest of America moves forward towards greater acceptance of LGBT individuals.

    In the end, I believe the public will win and the trans hating Republicans will be the losers. At least, that’s my hope, and I have always chosen to be an optimist.


  8. I’m watching the USA’s descent into madness with so much sadness. I’m incredibly fortunate to live in a tolerant and respectful country.

    I honestly hope yours changes soon and I have enough faith in the decency of the average person to believe it will.

    Kia kaha (stay strong)


  9. “…but let’s keep it constructive, civil, and factual.”

    That would take a lot of people off the air. That night not be a bad thing in some circumstances.

    For anyone sat on the sidelines thinking “well, those trans folk and queens are a bit much.” When the haters have got their wish and moved us on – and I’ll leave you to think of how we might be dealt with – they will need a new target.

    Distraction techniques and an almost Orwellian ‘war is peace’ approach requires a new target.

    So, who’s next? How long until it’s someone you care about? How long until it’s you?


  10. I wish you were wrong too, but you are dead on. This legislation serves the purposes of cynical politicians and those behind them to 1) create hysteria among their bas, 2) to inflict harm for the sake of inflicting harm upon those too small in number to fight back politically, 3) to in their minds turn back time to a period when we were invisible and seemingly nonexistent, 4) to control private citizens in what they see, read and do.

    The parallels with dictatorships of the past and present are not coincidental. Dictatorships always seek to marginalize and if possible extinguish minorities. Dictatorships always seek to divert the public attention from real problems (and their own transgressions) by assigning blame to minorities. Dictatorships always adopt hypermoralistic postures, usually aligned with a religious collaborator, to justify their conduct. (Think Putin labeling Ukrainians as gay Nazis, with the vocal support of the Russian Orthodox Church.). Dictatorships always define ideas as danger, and book burning is a literal sign of this. Dictatorships are always inherently corrupt and exploitive.

    What can we do? Well first of all we can find common cause with all groups interested in democracy. Without democracy society cannot protect any of us against erosion of human rights, environmental degradation, gross inequalities of wealth and injustice. We can’t focus on one issue that may divide us, when the survival of democracy is an absolute prerequisite for progress against all problems.

    Furthermore, we can finally use the power of the majority in the economic sense. Poll after poll shows that the large majority of Americans support people like us, support women’s autonomy, support addressing global climate challenges, and the rule of law. It is because we, collectively, are the majority that would be autocrats are seeking to curtail voting rights through obstructive voting rules and gerrymandering.

    But one thing they cannot obstruct is how we choose to spend our money. Boycotts can work. Start by telling your cable company to ban Fox News, and if they don’t discontinue cable service. Fox lives on fees paid to it by cable companies, not advertising, to spread disinformation and division.

    Boycotts of goods and services can have a very pronounced impact on businesses, and economies. More so than protest marches and petitions, boycotts can strike repressive governments at their blackened, greedy hearts. Its time to use that power.


  11. I wonder what some of these moral guardians are going to do when the encounter a Scotsman, a monk in a cassock , priest in robes etc. There are male skirted garments that could run foul of some these crackpot legal suggestions.

    Trying to ban a Scotsman from wearing a kilt will get you a Glasgow kiss


  12. Well I’m Hoping I’m not wasting my time writing this and it gets deleted but I feel I need get another point of view out there. I’m not nearly as good at writing as you are So bear with me.
    First off right out of the gate you compare states having no minimum age for marriage to kids transitioning or getting hormone treatment. These two are not even close to the same. A marriage is an act that is very easily reversible Transitioning to an opposite gender is not easily reversed.
    You mention drag shows not being sexual? True some are not but I’ve been to quite a few that have been very sexually explicit no nudity per say but enough innuendo that I don’t think it’s appropriate for young kids. My question is why does the LGBT community think it’s necessary to force drag shows in schools to begin with? What’s purpose are they serving? If you feel the need for kids to see a show why not have a show at a venue where parents can decide to take their children if they want. I know Lush in Minneapolis does this on Saturday mornings with their all ages drag brunch.
    My point is with me being a conservative and also a member of this community I don’t see a generalized hate for Trans people. We just feel like there are things that are being forced on our kids and society that we don’t feel are appropriate or there’s a need for.
    Just this past week in Sun Prairie, Wi an 18yr old male identifying as Trans gender entered the girls locker room and exposed his complete male genitals to 4 freshman girls. The school did nothing because he identified as trans. Do you truly think this is okay?
    Most of us have absolutely nothing against someone being trans. If you feel you need to present as the opposite gender you should feel free to do so but like with everything in live there needs to be boundaries. 14 yr old girls shouldn’t need to be exposed to a males genitals in a locker room. They need to have safe places as well.


    1. Hi Erica,

      I agree with you on 2 fronts. A 12 year or 14 year old girl should not be forced to see male genitalia.

      And 12 yr old getting married and hormone treatment are not similar at all. One is rape and child molestation. The other is a suicide prevention method.

      Hormone blockers are fully reversible. Getting raped at 12 will cause harm for the rest of that girl’s life.

      The school says the Sun Prairie incident never occurred. Your description of the incident isn’t even what allegedly happened. I am very active in that area of Wisconsin and know many people. I could see this being a fully made up story.


      Liked by 1 person

      1. Jodi, So if I’m understanding you correctly you believe that a 12yr old is old enough and mature enough to make the decision to change their gender but not to consent to have sex? Seems to me that if they’re not old enough for one they’re not old enough for the other. And to be clear I don’t believe it’s ok for anyone under 18 to do either. I never said I was ok with a 12 yr old getting married.


      2. Erica,

        That is not what I said.

        A lot of Transgender folks knew at a very young age. I knew at 4, every night from grade school until starting hormones at 37, I wished to die in my sleep.

        Before transgender kids can do anything it requires significant counseling. It is been shown by most medical organizations that intervention greatly reduces the risk of suicide. Puberty blockers give the child time to make a decision without going through masculinization which is very hard to reverse. It they decide not to medically transition no harm no foul.

        The issue is not with the kid, it is with society making them feel like a freak and bullying them. We should be encouraging kids instead and help them figure out who they are.



  13. To clarify, I referenced the marriage thing because many lawmakers use age as an excuse for preventing trans youth from medical care. They say that kids are too young to make a such a serious decision about their identity… but they are perfectly old enough to commit to a marriage?

    And I have no idea what kind of drag shows people are going to, but if you see a penis at any sort of performance it’s because you’re at a strip club.

    Love, Hannah

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I love how the party of individual freedom is in acting all these laws to control our bodies. These laws are against every reputable medical association guideline for standard of care. It isn’t about protecting the children it is about a dying ideology trying to keep power.
    The treatments on under 18 in primarily treatments that are reversible. Surgery is rare and only in cases where the person has been consistent and persistent in their ideation of who they are. Jazz Jennings would Be an example. I think that she was 17 when she had her surgery, but she has been consistent about being a girl since the age of 3 or 4. We are so worried about this but have no problem with the number of voluntary cosmetic surgeries performed on 13 to 18 year old who are not trans. (Over 89,000 in 2020, the last year I could find data on.). Why exactly does a 15 year old need a boob job or a butt lift?
    My state of Missouri our Attorney General came out with guidelines this past week that I would not be able to receive hormone treatment for three years and just have a shrink sign off after 15 sessions over a 18 month period. I’m 66 freakin years old. I think that if I decide to go on hormones at this age I probably have a clue of what I am doing. Medical decisions should be made by patient, doctor, and parents if a minor. Not some e!acted official that wants headlines for votes.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. What the trans/GNC community is facing is the latest Pied Piper type of situation: Take a group of unenlightened people; have them be led by a frightenly charismatic leader who’ll readily say/do any hateful thing to satiate their own ego/ambitions; and you have yet another marginalized community in danger. It’s been like that for ceuntries, sadly; one facet of humanity gains respect, and the hate they withstood gets directed toward other people on the margins.

    But I’m of the hope, as small as it may feel right now, that there are a great many more people who have the trans/GNC community’s back. We and our allies may not have the loudest bullhorns right now, but the size of our side speaks louder than any bullhorn ever will.

    What can we do right now though? Just being ourselves and allow those who aren’t like us (and for that reason don’t like us) to see us as the human beings we’ve always seen ourselves. A little bit of this just may go a long, long way.

    I don’t blame you if you feel pessimistic right now, Hannah. Heck, that’s the way I’m feeling right now myself. Worry and fear are valid feelings. But one day (hopefully very soon, before we’re gone), trans/GNC people will finally gain unconditional acceptance and not the disdain and contempt we’re having to withstand today.

    Liked by 1 person

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