Ask Hannah!

When I am dressed up, I think about having sex with a man. Do you have similar thoughts?

No.

I can only speak for myself, but I don’t feel that someone’s sexuality or sexual preference or curiousity is influenced by what they are wearing.

However, I do feel less inhibitied when I am en femme. When someone is less inhibited, it can make them more open to something that they are not previously drawn to.

Such as sexual experiences and fantasies.

It’s not unlike alcohol. What I mean is that when some people drink, they may say something or do something or behave in a certain way that they normally would not do sober.

But they still did it.

The alcohol made them feel less inhibited and they felt… comfortable? Confident? to do something, to say something, that they probably would not have done sober.

I feel that being dressed up is similar. When I am en femme, I tend to be chattier and more social. I feel less inhibited, so I feel more comfortable and parts of my personality shine through in a different way compared to when I am in male mode. The chattier and more social aspects are always there, regardless of how I am dressed, but I feel more comforable expressing myself in these ways as Hannah.

I personally feel that if someone is curious about being intimate with a man, or the idea becomes a little more appealing when they are dressed, those thoughts, fantasies, that curiousity, was always there… but perhaps it was a little repressed and wasn’t acknowledged until that person felt a little less inhibited.

For many of us, we enjoy feeling femme. We often want to feel MORE femme. We think and we daydream about different ways and new ways to capture that feeling. Our thoughts may drift to things that many women commonly do, and that can include be intimate with a man.

We may think about this not necessarily because we want to be intimate with a man, but perhaps we feel that this would make us feel more feminine. What I mean is when a man has sex, there’s a good chance he is having sex with a girl. Therefor, if a man is having sex with someone who is dressed, it could be because he sees them as feminine, as a woman.

It can be very validating when others interact with us as the gender we are presenting as.

And I get it. I don’t need anyone’s approval or acceptance, but I do feel validated when men do things for me, or with me, that they commonly do for other girls. This can include being called “ma’am” or them holding the door open for me.

I like when that happens. It’s validating to be interacted with as the gender identity I am presenting as. I think this is pretty common for us. However, the type of interactions we want and enjoy, whether it’s a door being held open or being in a man’s bed wearing lingerie, are different for all of us.

Of course, being dressed up is also arousing for some of us (not that there’s anything wrong with that), and similar to alcohol, when we are in that mindset, it’s possible that we are more open to different experiences than when we are not feeling amorous.

Listen.

I know that this aspect of us kicks down the door to endless questions about our identity. Not only about gender identity. We wonder what label is most appropriate for us. Are we a crossdresser? Non-binary? Transgender? We wonder what is the right journey for us, whether it is transitioning or coming out to people in our lives.

But this aspect of us can also make us question our sexuality. We may think to ourselves that since we wear panties or heels or mascara or a dress, and many women wear the same things, does this mean that we want other things that many women do? Does this mean that we also want to have relationships with men?

Please understand that a woman does not have to be in a relationship with a man in order to be a woman. Who a woman dates or is intimate with or attracted to has no impact on their gender identity.

And really, that’s the same for us. We do not need to be with a man to be a girl.

It’s unhealthy to seek out validation solely from others.

Love, Hannah

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