I daydream all the time about Hannah. I think about clothes, I think about things I want to do en femme. Sometimes when I am trapped in male mode I let my imagination take over and live vicariously through memories and fantasies (non-sexual, I can assure you) to break up the boredom of my boy life.
Having a gender identity that the rest of the world doesn’t see can cause us to think things to ourselves as opposed to accidentally revealing her to someone. For example, if someone is talking about how heels hurt after a while, I can’t let them know I can relate with them. If a girl I know is wearing a cute outfit, I can’t ask her where she bought it. Because of this, is it any wonder our inner thoughts and subconscious focus on our femme lives?
Dreams are not much different. We dream about our lives, whether it is the life we show most of the world, or the life we live in secret. Our dreams are a reflection of what we think about so it’s little wonder we dream about our femme selves. Sometimes these dreams can be anxiety-inducing, like dreaming we are caught by someone we don’t want to be out to. Sometimes these dreams are wonderful where we dress and we look beautiful. Other times these dreams can be pretty, well, boring. Last night I had a dream where I was shopping and trying on clothes.
This website is where I can write down all the things I think about and the things I feel. I hope it’s a place where girls like me can visit and relate to what I am thinking and feeling. Reading your comments is one of the highlights of my day and it’s lovely to see what you want to say. For some of us there are so few outlets we can turn to when it comes to discussing our femme selves so I hope that the comments are a place where a girl turns towards when it comes to getting her thoughts and feelings out into the world. Not all of us are able to share our wishes and fears and hopes with others but I hope you feel safe and welcome here.
That being said, I know some of us dream about our femme selves. I know some of us want to share these dreams with others but there isn’t always someone we can turn to. I want you to know you can share your dreams (the dreams you have when you’re asleep as well as your daydreams) in the comments here. I would love to read them and I know others would too.