…and younger than I’ll be”
-Simon and Garfunkel
It’s never too late to be who you are or to wear what you dream of.
There is often a little (or sometimes a LOT) of regret and feeling that you missed out on opportunities to present how you feel, especially after you have accepted and embraced who you are.
In my male life I am not the type of person who “lives in the now”. I am more of a if you want roses in the summer, plant flowers in the spring type.
I am not a gardener so I have no idea if roses should be planted in the spring.
My point is that I am a planner in my male world. I think about what I need to do NOW for something that needs to be done in the future. I also overthink about what I SHOULD have done earlier to impact the results of something I am dealing with TODAY.
But Hannah’s life is the complete opposite in a lot of ways. Wardrobe options are vastly different, obviously, but she tends to live in the present and not look back, or worry about the future, as much as HE does.
Although on occasion I think about how I wish I embraced this side of me earlier I don’t regret it as much as I thought I would. I came to become who I am exactly when I was meant to.
Where I am today started about ten years ago. I’ve been crossdressing throughout my entire life but up until then I tended to wear mostly lingerie and underdress. My world exploded when I started to seriously learn makeup and find a wig and buy actual, real clothes.
Although I (usually) don’t look back with regret or sadness, I am proud of how far I’ve come. I reflect and I am amazed at how much I’ve done. Things I never thought I would do. In my twenties I didn’t think I would ever, EVER have the courage to go to a mall en femme but now I do it all the time.
Just as I don’t look back very often, I also don’t think about the future very much, especially compared to how much HE does. From time to time I do wonder what Hannah’s life will be like in twenty years, though. I get older each day and I do see the small, subtle signs of this.
I know there will be a day when I put away my stilettos for good.
But, God willing, that won’t be for a long, long time.
I am in my mid-forties and I think (and hope) I have a lot of life left. I pray that there are decades of adventure and beauty ahead.
I marvel at what I’ve done over the last ten years. I am beyond excited to think about what the next ten years will offer.