The Ledge

So I have stepped back from the ledge.

A little.

Disclaimer: Don’t try this at home. Standing on a window ledge in heels is… not smart

Recently I wrote about how things seem to be going backwards and I do my best to avoid…ranting on my website. When I post I try to have engaging, relevant content, even when I am being totally superficial and raving about lingerie.

After I posted that particular update I calmed down a bit. Writing can be very cathartic. I read your emails which were very supportive and encouraging and empathetic. Of course some were along the lines of “Shut Up and Sing” but that was to be expected. My perspective is still very much the same and I am still angry and scared but I’ve decided a few things.

I know that my feelings and thinking may be pessimistic and perhaps not the same as everyone reading this, but it’s hard to be optimistic when legislation is being written and being passed into law that can and will negatively and dangerously impact our lives. And yes, this perspective may come off as fatalistic to some but I still can’t shake it.

Gender affirming care is being made a felony in certain parts of the United States and for now most of them are focused on people under the 18 years of age but it’s not hard to see where this is (probably) heading.

Could presenting as a gender that is different from the one you were assigned at birth be made a felony? I think that is very possible. I hope I am wrong.

I feel that time is running out. I feel that the things I do, the clothes I wear, the pronouns I use, could all be prohibited in a few years because the ‘M’ box is checked on my birth certificate. Again, I hope I am wrong.

So, knowing this, and with feeling these things, what do I do?

As I mentioned, I have stepped back from the ledge and it’s time to reassess. What do I do? What can be done?

I will continue to vote against people that have different values than I do. But other than that, I think I need to do what I would like to do, while I still can.

Not long ago I wrote about looking forward to the years ahead. It’s funny (and depressing) how the excitement of that post has been replaced with fear. It’s… like a deadline approaching, or the Sword of Damocles.

Over the last few months I have been thinking about what would be the safest thing to do if, for lack of a better phrase, identifying as transgender was considered illeagal.

And yes I know this sounds extreme. But in a country were you can earn a reward for reporting people who were involved in an abortion, even if it’s just the unknowing Uber driver, then I don’t think it’s that far-fetched for someone to be given money if they report a trans person at the mall.

Some of the potential actions are disbanding the MN T-Girls or no longer stepping out en femme. Hopefully it won’t come to these things.

For now, I am “safe”, or as safe as it is to be trans in Minnesota but things could change.

It’s best to prepare for the future even if planning is not my character, at least not in my femme identity. But let’s do some (pessimistic) speculating.

Before I dive into ANYTHING, I’d like to remind ya’ll that I am not a Democrat. I think the Democratic party, despite their best intentions, are incompetent and clueless. They’ve earned no praise, recognition, or votes.

And! I’d like point out a few facts:

The “Don’t Say Gay” legislation in Florida was proposed by Republicans.

The horrifying legislation in Texas was proposed by Republicans.

The military transgender ban from 2017 was proposed by Republicans.

This little disclaimer is about the facts about these proposals, as well as who in the government is writing and supporting laws like these. My point is that it seems that all the recent legislation that impacts the LGBTQIA+ community in a negative way has all been proposed and supported by Republicans (and yes, not all Republicans).

Anyway, as of this writing the Democrats control the White House, the Senate, and the House. If the Democrats REALLY wanted to do what they said they’d do when they campaigned, whether it was student loan forgiveness or protecting someone’s health care, they could have done it by now but I don’t think they know HOW to do what they said they would do.

It’s looking like the Democrats will lose the Senate in November’s mid-terms, and possibly the House. I don’t think there’s a single Democrat in the country that has a chance of winning the White House in 2024.

My thinking is that in a little more than two years all three branches of our government will likely be controlled by Republicans. If the last few years and the recent pieces of legislation have taught us anything, it’s that I think it’s safe to say that more laws against the trans community are a given. Oh sure, they will be written under the guise of something else, like preserving the sanctity of gender or whatever, but the intentions will be clear.

If this happens, and I think it’s likely, then my thought is that I have about two years of being able to “safely” present en femme and identify as transgender. After that, it could be a very different world.

So, what do I do until then? And yes, I know this all sounds very fatalistic and pessimistic and I hope I am wrong with all of this, but if there’s something I want to do en femme, it’s time to it now. Although this feeling of time running out is very depressing and frightening, there is a little bit of… hm, ambition I am feeling at the moment. Do I want to fly pretty? Do it now. Do I want to dress up as a princess? Do it now. Do I want to do a bridal photo shoot? Do it now. Attend a transgender conference? Do it now.

I am excited about doing these things, even if they are due to a very horrible reason.

I’ve swung back and forth recently about I should be doing. Part of me feels I need to…hm, reduce my visibility a bit to prepare for what I feel is the inevitable need to “go back into the closet” if legislation is passed to “regulate” gender identity/gender presentation. The other part of me feels that I should be as, ah, LOUD and as out there as I can possibly be before I no longer have the freedom to present and identify how I wish. Both options are extreme and at the opposite ends of the spectrum.

Stay safe. Stay true to yourself.

Love, Hannah

The comments section has gone completely off the rails and I have disabled them for this post.

22 thoughts on “The Ledge

  1. Among Gen Z (born 1997 to 2012), one in five self-identifies as a member of the LGBTQ community. During their lifetimes, the US has gone from a country where gays were routinely ostracized to marriage equality; from a country where men were viewed as superior to women to one where 60% of college students are women; from a country where being religious in one way or another was dominant to one where a third of us say our religion is “none; and has changed dramatically in many other ways, generally in the direction of greater diversity and tolerance for minorities, and lesser bigotry and narrow-mindedness. What we are seeing now, I believe, is a backlash, driven by those head-spinning changes I just mentioned. But the backlash is doomed to failure in the end. Looking at Gen Z, I don’t see how you can come to any other conclusion.

    That doesn’t mean we aren’t in for some rocky times while this all gets sorted out. Gen Z is as big as the Baby Boomers at this point, but most of them have yet to reach the age when they are able to vote (let alone the age at which they will actually vote in large numbers). But in eight years, their youngest will be 18. Their influence will increasingly transform this country, for the better. In the meantime, however … well, as Bette Davis once said, “fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.”


  2. Hannah, unfortunately, the Dem’s have really not “controlled “ the Senate. With a socially conservative Senator from West Virginia opposing them and aligning with the R’s on all of the issues you mention that you think they “should” have gotten passed, (not to mention minority leader McConnell threatening filibuster every other day), the Dem’s hand were tied.

    God help girls like us if the R’s control everything. Vote Blue! Nancy


  3. Senator Manchin is the life saver for our country – the BBB joke is just another way for the Dems to get votes, to keep their power and money making machine going – our deficit and inflation will not suffer more thanks to this far sighted, non-partisan, sensible, great senator. Anyway, the Florida bill makes a lot of sense – why would anyone but a perverted person want to screw up the minds of little children with sexual things they will not understand – has nothing at all to do with gays! Anyone who has brought up children would be in favor of this law. Common sense! Hannah – you are being way too pessimistic – although the Dems are making our country look more and more like the book, 1984. We are being controlled, spied upon, and manipulated more and more by the woke and the Democrat machine. Their actions since they have taken over the country scares the heck out of me!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hannah,
    It’s my firm belief that all politicians are incompetent not just the Democrats! Further more I believe there is more going on than we are being told!? I believe there are powers that be, are in charge that have already decided who the next puppet President is going to be and we are just going through the motions of voting for said politictians when it’s already been decided? All I can say is, it’s going to be a bumpy ride! Buckle up and hang on for dear life!


  5. Although I admit that Canada sounds appealing, their government is too much like the UK’s. Do the provinces have local laws like our states? We have the freedom in this country in that if we don’t like a state’s laws, we can move to another to avoid some of the more odious ones. Obviously, Federal laws are unavoidable. In my state, I choose to continue to live here although just about anyone I vote for gets defeated, any measures that I vote against pass and those in charge don’t even follow the laws or decrees that they have forced upon the rest of us… Sigh… I love California!


    1. I would never want to live in La La Land, Kalifornia! I feel bad for you. Too many Demonrats there!


    2. In the UK Scotland has a totally different legal system, there are differences between laws in Northern Ireland, Wales and England


  6. Hi Hannah,

    Democrats have their issues but Republicans are mean spirited and selfish. They can’t put together coherent arguments based on fact so they revert to terms like pervert, common sense, or insults. They just flat out make shit up and keep repeating it over and over and until they actually start believing.

    I am at a point where I want nothing to do with them anymore. Life is to short to be around people that are always angry like they are for whatever perceived injustice they make up.


    1. Trouble is Democrats ( I am an Independent, btw ) are the real perverts toward children, very insulting toward most true, loyal, decent Americans, and they lack common sense and common decency as well. Biden and his cohorts are destroying our country from within – and this is the sad truth. We have had enough of their woke philosophy and criticism of almost everything that isn’t woke.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, I proved my points twice and will be able to do so with ease, since it is truly the Demonrats who are ruining our country so badly!


  7. Lol. Even though it may not seem so, every voter’s opinion is valid in this country so vote as your heart and reason dictates and be thankful that change can be effected – unlike in some other countries. In my state, I continue to vote although it seems to do me no good and if I ever get fed up enough to leave the state that I love, I can always do so – albeit with great anguish and lamentation…Peace to you – we are all Americans.😘


  8. consider being a Libertarian-they say to the government “stay the hell out of my bedroom and my wallet”.Sen Paul is about the only 1 in DC. as to the gloom and doom-most of these bills will be thrown out in the courts.We DO have a constitution.
    Get dolled up-go out and forget this crap


  9. Sounds like the entire USA political system needs a kick up the backside, in recent years you have had a choice between


    Are these individuals the best candidates for the job of president?


    1. Of course not. They were simply their respective parties’ best chance for success. I would throw it out there that if allowed, Arnold Schwarzenegger would likely have done a better job…😉


  10. I believe that we citizens should be more concerned with the freedom to be who we are without asking anyone else’s permission rather than focusing on the competence of a particular political party. I will take the incompetence of the Democratic Party over the contemptuous and hateful control of the republicans any day.

    Cindi Parker

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Not true – the Republicans are not woke and believe in free speech. We are now at George Orwell’s 1984 situation, with the Demonrats in charge – they are not only incompetent, but believe that might makes right, as shown in their rioting, bullying, stealing, burning, killing in the streets the last 2 years – they DO NOT believe in “law and order’ and in fact, Biden cannot even say these words! Safety is important and an open border with criminals and drugs coming into our country is what the Demonrats want – terrible! Just so they will vote for them eventually – sad!


  11. a transgender friend of mine explained why she LEANS Republican in spite of all the anti-TG stuff passed to placate the religious folks. Her answer was-“you don’t rearrange the furniture in the living room when the house is on fire”. In other words the soaring national debt,inflation and open borders may well swallow us all up.
    If our record breaking TG swimmer had not popped on the scene much of this legislation would not have happened and-sorry-her selfishness is tactless and has exposed us all .


    1. Renée Richards played professional competitive tennis in 1976, not long after her gender affirmation procedure. This was decades before Lia Thomas was even born. Lia Thomas didn’t expose anyone. She elevated us, she represented us. She wasn’t selfish. She was living her best damn life. Trans people are not meant to hide.



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