Ask Hannah!

I am a male cross dresser and after getting caught by my wife she has made me dress for her friends. She now wants me to be trained properly and be Sandra as a full cross dressed female which I have agree to do, but no idea where I can go for this training. She wants me trained properly not just for sexual interests.

I get Ask Hannah! questions like this on occasion and my instinct is that they are fabrications. Sometimes they feel like the stereotypical “forced crossdressing fantasy”.

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with a fantasy (as long as it brings no harm, in any form, to anyone, including the fantasizer). No kink shaming here.

I received this inquiry as I was waiting in line at the grocery store and I was in kiiiiind of a cranky mood. My email notifications were blowing up and there was some problem at work that could have been avoided if someone just, you know, listened to my team. Seriously, why do managers ask their employees for their perspective and potential solutions to a problem and then just… ignore them?

There’s been an ongoing issue for like, forever at work. The higher-ups have implemented a lot of new technology and upgrades to address “the problem” but they think “the problem” is a tech issue, not a people issue.

So, since the people issue hasn’t been addressed (probably because the person spearheading this initiative does not like confrontation but loooooves meetings) “the problem” keeps building and building and it’s just not ever going away.

Anyway, every couple of weeks this guy decides to tackle “the problem” with new technology and procedures and tracking and spreadsheets and hourly reports that take up more time than “the problem” ever took.

What was once an annoyance that occurred about 30 times a day but only took one minute to resolve, now takes five minutes to track and report and resolve for each of those recurring annoyances. I have no doubt the report is read each day but clearly nothing is done with the data. It’s like, “oh, this is still happening? Well, maybe tomorrow this will stop.”

Spoiler alert: it did not stop.

Flashback to earlier this week I am in line at the store and I was already a little impatient and then bing bing bing bing bing my email notifications are going off… and every email was from this dude looking for data on “the problem”.

In between the Zoom invites to discuss “the problem” and emails asking me, once again, how to solve “the problem”, I get the above email.

Deleting an email feels POWERFUL sometimes. Sometimes it’s… like selfcare. Like, I am not dealing with this, this is not my problem, this is a waste of my time, and bam! DELETED.

This email pops up and BAM! DELETED.

I have no patience for playing along with someone’s fantasy. My supposition is that they are looking for, oh, I don’t know, training or sissy discipline or whatever. Like, what do they mean, they want to be a “full cross dressed female”? I mean, I KNOW what they mean, but a woman can be and is anything she wishes to be. I can’t tell someone what they need to do in order to be a girl beyond them saying “hey, I’m a girl”.

Additionally, I was annoyed by the “but no idea where I can go for this training” verbiage. Like, what do you mean by training? Again, my assumption is that they wanted something along the lines of Miss Vera’s Finishing School but perhaps I am wrong.

What it means to be a girl, or any gender, is always personal. I can’t tell someone what they should do “to be a girl”. Do they want training to walk in stilettos? Or how to apply eyeliner? Do they want help with breast augmentation? Do they need guidance on how to legally change their gender on their birth certificate? Are they looking for a therapist that specializes in gender identity? Do they need support talking to their doctor about HRT?

Or something else?

I have no idea. I don’t know what someone else wants or needs to be anything, particularly when it comes to gender identity.

What it means to be a girl is different for every girl.

I know all of this is bitchy but when it comes to being pulled into someone else’s fantasy then I get annoyed. Consent, consent, consent.

After I returned home and responded and resolved “the problem” for a little while anyway, I un-deleted the email and here we are.

Why? Because of the chance this email is not someone’s fantasy. Perhaps this is person is really indeed being forced into being “trained”.

If that is indeed the case, I apologize for assuming this was nothing more than a cliched crossdressing fantasy. If the person who wrote this is reading this and if they are indeed being coerced into something that is against their wishes, such as adopting a gender identity, wearing certain clothes, or being unwillingly humiliated, then my perspective is that this sounds like abuse and you should remove yourself from this situation immediately.

Love, Hannah

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