As I’m sure you’ve seen, there’s been a lot of ‘Ask Hannah‘ questions lately. I love getting them and I hope you enjoy reading them.
It’s pretty clear we are all doing some soul-searching and deep thinking and reflection these days. I know I am. For some of us we are thinking about our gender identity and what this side of us means to us. It’s clear this side means a lot to us all.
Reflection is a good thing. It’s good to reexamine our lives from time to time and evaluate what we want. I urge caution when it comes to making major decisions when it comes to our gender identity during a pandemic. Some of us are spending more time en femme as we shelter in place. Some of us are spending less time. When we have experiences with something, we realize how important those experiences are. If we have more of them, we may realize we want even more. When we have less, we may realize that we actually need them.
Regardless if we are spending more time or less time en femme or even underdressing, we are probably thinking about what this side of us means and how we want this side of us to be present in our lives. Again, this is good, but it’s also important we are aware of being influenced by the pink fog.
Essentially, the pink fog is when we make decisions influenced by our love and connection to our femme selves that we may not have thought through. Since we are under a lot of stress and change, fear and uncertainty, this is probably not the time to make any permanent changes. This is probably not the time to start hormones, now is probably not the time to transition. Before we make any decisions, whether or not we are under a global pandemic, it’s essential we do these things under the guidance of a gender therapist or a doctor.
And I get it. I am itching to get back in touch with my femme life. I miss Hannah. I’ve been spending a lot more than usual ondresses and lingerie and shoes, so I am not immune to the pink fog, either. I’m wanting to have “the talk” with friends in my life about all of this, but I have to tell myself to slow down, pump the brakes, and wait until things calm down a little before I make any choices.
8 thoughts on “Pumping the Brakes”
Thank you Hannah. May I ask you a question related to the reflection and thinking during this time. This is what COVID-19 made me do. This reflection of some 8 weeks progressively hardenwd me to the fact that it is not a fettish, I didnt need to look a “sexy woman”, just a “woman”, and be validated. I told my wife, very happy I am looking this side of me in the eye, and is very supportive. But I didnt slip into my suede house flats right away, because I want whatever follows to be more real than before. You also mentioned the many false starts, stop’n goes, taking breaks, and even backtracking. I was as dysphoric as I ever was yesterday morning. Yesterday was a day full of Webex meetings, 100% man-mode, and by the night the dysphoria had weakened. I can invoke it just by looking at one of my girl pictures, thinking back to some absolutely helpless (“couragous” as some would say) things I’ve done. Also, I can easily do some very boy things. On the one hand I do not want the benefit of the moment to be swept back into the closet, and on the other, make it a point to keep feeling girly, which goes against the overall objective to be as true as possible to my inner self. How do I resolve this?
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Listen to your heart, listen to your wife, think twice before making a decision.
Good advice – always think carefully before making an important decision! This applies to a lot more than a person’s gender identity and presentation.
Hi Hannah, just wanted to send a personal thank you for your site and all the content i’ve enjoyed recently. while i enjoy some of the fantasy aspects of crossdressing yours is a refreshing anchor to me, as you seem to be well grounded, honest and confident in who you are and how others perceive you. i’ve had a strong feminine urge for as long as i can remember but only in the last year have i started to accept, and embrace the girl in me and frequently enjoy becoming Courtney. I’m not sure how far i’ll go with her but i do find my happy place when i’m alone and dressed. please keep up the great work and know that you are an encouragement to others.
Hannah is a beautiful lady, and i’d be turning my head if you walked by. 🙂 take care
You’re so sweet, thank you!
Great advice; hope this scenario is over soon. Getting back to my feminine self is so much more pleasing and enjoyable-manufactures more thoughts of transition to that woman who worships and enjoys life.
I know that this time has given me time to think about things. And a bit over a week to be 24/7 and see how it goes (it would still be going on, but other issues stopped it). One of the things that I’ve come to realize is that when I get a chance to do something I would like to do, I’m going to do it. I had a few things lined up in my mind, but not in real life, when everything got closed. Now I wish I had done them earlier (like getting my ears pierced). Live is too short and unpredictable to wait. Not to go crazy, but do what has been thought through.
I went through the normal links last week (been separated from my “family” for three years but told my wife’s family I’m transgender.) They supported me, maybe didn’t quite grasp the totality of my words but they were on my side. Intense support and love to them.