Ask Hannah!

I want to ask how I can tell my wife that I’m a cross dresser, I have been this way my whole life I’ve always known, I have tried to keep my desire a secret but the older I get it get harder to hide this .  I tried to come out to my wife 3 years ago , I got myself worked up to tell her and I even said the words but it didn’t go well and after talking for 3 hours I basically back tracked and said it was just a phase I went through as a teen and hadn’t done it since which was a lie and after all that and her questions the next day it was ignored and we haven’t mentioned it since and I just want her to say something again but she hasn’t.  Should I push the issue again?

I wouldn’t push the issue but that is different than bringing it up again.

Since you attempted to discuss it previously, you should know how she responded the first time.  You said it didn’t go well, but this revelation rarely does.  Why didn’t it go well?  What were her concerns?  Was she afraid you were gay?  That you wanted to transition?

If you do decide to bring the topic up again, be prepared to discuss what her concerns were that she raised the first time you came out.

And although she hasn’t brought it up since you had the talk, rest assured she probably thinks about it everyday.

Keep in mind that we shouldn’t come out with the hope or expectation that our partners will “let” us wear panties or paint our nails or however we wish to express our gender identity.  We should be open with our partners because it is the right thing to do, regardless of what we need to be open about.

Love, Hannah

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One thought on “Ask Hannah!

  1. Regarding “We should be open with our partners because it is the right thing to do, regardless of what we need to be open about.” – I fully agree.

    If/when you do bring it up again, I might suggest to not try to hide anything any more. Walking back from the truth will just make it harder to explain the next time the issue comes up. Keep to the truth, don’t mis-state anything. If there is anything you don’t want to tell the whole truth about, don’t bring it up. If she asks, either answer truthfully, or something like “I’d rather not talk about that right now”.

    I’m not a lawyer, but I did receive advice from one years ago (on a different issue, but it stills pertains) “always tell the truth, but don’t tell them anything they don’t ask”. I just add “or something you don’t want to share yet”.

    If you bring the subject up, ultimately everything will all come out, so if you go this route, be prepared to cover everything at some point or another.


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