Ask Hannah!

I want to know what to wear to make my body feminine and slutty/sexy.

With no disrespect to the person who asked this question, I almost shrugged this one off.

Initially it irked me a little, if I am being honest. Well, maybe not irked, but I wondered if I was the right person to ask this question to. It’s very possible I am misinterpreting the question, but I was associating slutty/sexy clothes with, well, sex. Sex and fetishes can go hand-in-hand, and we all know that crossdressing is a fetish for some of us, and for some of our admirers and chasers.

Crossdressing, my gender identity, clothes… none of this is a sexual turn-on for me. I don’t wear anything to become aroused. However, if I am being honest there are some dresses (and heels) that I wear and I DO feel sexy. But I think feeling sexy and being aroused aren’t necessarily the same thing. To me, feeling sexy is when I am feeling beautiful and feeling confident at the same time.

Does that make sense? Some dresses make me feel sexy, but nothing I wear makes me WANT to have sex. There is a difference.

The second thing that stuck out from this question is asking how one can make their body feminine. I do my best to avoid saying THIS is feminine, THIS is not. In the most simplified explanation, feeling feminine is when you feel pretty. A short dress is cute, but if you feel entirely self-conscious and, well, maybe a little silly in it, it doesn’t matter what the dress looks like it. If a dress doesn’t make you feel amazing or happy or cute, well, perhaps wear something else? I think a girl wearing leggings and a hoodie is just as feminine as a pink dress.

Also! There isn’t a standard as to what is and what is not feminine. Some of us feel we are too tall to be femme. Some of us feel our voices are too deep to be femme. Some of us feel we are too masculine to be femme. Bitch, please. No one, cis or trans, is too ANYTHING to be femme.

But something about ignoring the question didn’t feel right to me. If there’s anything I understand about girls like us, is that we all want to wear different things. We identity in many different ways. We are all on different journeys, different paths. We are all at different points in our lives. Some of us are transitioning, some of us just wear panties.

And yes, some of us crossdress and present femme because it is a fetish.

Who am I to judge? Just because this isn’t a fetish for me, it doesn’t give me the right to disregard someone who has different reasons or motivations to dress how they wish. If someone is asking for help, I feel I should do what I can. It takes a lot of courage to be who we are. For some of us visiting a website that features transgender content is one of the bravest things they’ll ever do. Sending an email to someone like me might be a huge step for them.

Blowing someone off just because they have a different and completely harmless reason to wear something is, well, kinda bitchy and judgy.

So, that being said, my initial reaction to this question wasn’t fair. Being critical of what someone wants to wear is pretty hypocritical for someone like me considering my whole… THING is that anyone can wear whatever they want.

That being said, let’s talk about this question.

First, a disclaimer. Earlier I wrote that there are no standards or expectations one must meet to have a feminine… anything. Voice, body, whatever. But I also know what someone means when they ask about how to be femme. I am going to shut off this part of my brain for this question. Sound good? Okay.

I feel I have a more feminine body when I wear three key things: my corset (to give me a more defined figure), my thigh pads/breast forms (for theeeeeee curves), and a gaff (to hide my feminine flaw. All of these items are foundational. They are not meant to be visible. The EFFECTS (if you will) are meant to be seen, but the corset itself is meant to be hidden.

Of course, these items are not cheap, but I feel that this side of us takes time, money, and patience. You don’t NEED a $300 pair of breast forms or a $200 corset or really ANYTHING to be femme, to dress femme, to be, well, anything. But since you asked me, and I am responding in my most superficial way, I feel that these items make me feel and look more feminine.

That being said, I don’t hold any other girls to the same expectations that I have for myself. I don’t think any girl (t or cis) needs to have a curvy figure (either naturally or from a waist cincher) to be femme, for example.

As for clothes, there are dresses in my closet that make feel and look sexy. Of course, not everyone thinks the same things are sexy. There’s a guy that emails me once in a while and REALLY likes it when I have my purse in a photo. I don’t think my purse is sexy, but you do you mister.

As I mentioned, some things I wear are foundational which may influence what I wear. What I mean is that a crop top might look sexy, but crop tops and corsets just don’t work. A tight skirt might be sexy, but tight skirts and a penis (even while wearing a gaff and tucking) isn’t really a good look (unless, I suppose, you are into that sort of thing and if you are, who am I to judge? You go girl!).

So, what is sexy? What is slutty? Well, that’s up to you. Sure, a low cut leather dress is sexy but if you don’t FEEL sexy in it, then it’s not a sexy dress (at least it’s not the right dress for you). Wear what you want. Wear what you want for whatever reason you wish. Sexiness (and I suppose sluttiness) is different from person to person. Again, I don’t think my purse is sexy but that one guy sure does.

Clothes can send a message, and sometimes that message is different that what is, well, intended. When I am wearing a tight and/or short dress, I am wearing it for ME. I wear it because it makes me feel cute or beautiful or sexy. I might wear it to show off my legs which I work hard to keep in shape.

But others think I am wearing the dress to send a message that I want sex. That I am wearing it for attention or comments from men. Guys, if you’re reading this, girls (cis and trans) don’t dress for YOU. We dress for each other, we dress for ourselves.

That being said, I have to acknowledge that yes, some girls wear certain things because yes, they do indeed want attention or comments from men. I mean, the whole point of this post is that there are many reasons someone wears what they wear. And yes, there are some who want to have sex with men when they are wearing lingerie or a dress or whatever.

Wow, this is long. I suppose to summarize and simplify, if you see something you think is sexy and/or slutty, wear that if you want. If a latex French Maid dress makes you feel sexy, wear it if you want. If a thong makes you feel sexy, wear it if you want.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

I just wanted to ask if you or any followers have a good suggestion on where to buy shoes? I wear a size 13 in men’s and a 14 or 15 in women’s and it’s been a real task to find anything that’s not over the top or just plain boring. Hope someone can help a shoeless girl.

Girl, I feel you. I look at all the cute styles at stores but once you get beyond size 11 there’s nothing but brown loafers.

I get my heels from these stores:

The Breast Form Store -various styles and sizes up to women’s 17 (men’s 15)

En Femme -various styles and sizes up to women’s 16 (men’s 14)

Glamour Boutique – various styles and sizes up to women’s 16 (men’s 14)

I bet a lot of readers out there have a ton of suggestions. If you have any ideas, please comment below!

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Thoughts From the Dressing Room

The world is filled with exciting and fascinating places, but is there anywhere more thrilling (and humbling) than a dressing room?  Most of us know the fear and excitement that bringing a dress into a changing room can bring.  Within a few minutes either your mood is ruined or you feel like a princess.  And yes I know this is a little superficial and extreme but there you have it.  Before I was ready to leave my home en femme, I did my shopping in boy mode.  After a while, with an extreme amount of courage, I started to take a few dresses into a changing room.  When I was ready to shop en femme, using a changing room was easier mainly because I didn’t look like a man in a necktie stepping into the changing room to try on a dress.  This also got easier because I was brave enough to step out into the real world as Hannah, so using a changing room was a breeze.  

Trying on clothes is a wonderful and super fun thing to do, but it can also be frustrating.  I can try on two dresses that are the same size and one can fit like a dream and the other I can’t zip up.  How one presents can also change how a dress fits.  In male mode a dress might fit me but I don’t get the full effect until I have my curves, courtesy of my corset, breast forms, and thigh pads.  But this can also work against me.  Foundation garments can add a tiny bit to my waist and bust and all of a sudden a dress that fits perfectly in male mode can’t be zipped up.  

As I mentioned, this can be a humbling experience.  Some dresses look super cute on the rack but when we try them on we realize it’s not quite the dress for us.  If we can’t zip up a dress we might feel fat.  We might feel not-cute.  Or feminine.  We might feel foolish that we ever thought we could be pretty.  As often as a dress makes me feel like a queen, there are just as many, if not more, outfits that make me feel ugly, fat, and MALE.  None of these feelings are kind and I don’t like feeling these things.  No one does.  We need to remember that we can’t let a dress or a skirt or anything to have that much negative power over us.  And yes, this is waaaaay easier said than done.  

My birth certificate was checked MALE when I was born because of my anatomy.  And I still have all the parts I was born with.  As I grew my body developed the way bodies for most cis male do.  I’m tall, I have broad shoulders, and no curves.  I am a rectangle.  When I present as male I don’t give my shape or body a second thought.  But when I am en femme or trying on a dress then I put myself under a microscope.  I do my best to not be tooooo critical in a changing room.  I try to resist any thoughts about being too male, too fat, too anything for a dress.  I try to be objective and not let a dress hurt my feelings, if you will.  When I try on a dress I try to look at it as if it’s right for my style, right for my body, and just… right for me.

Recently I visited Blackbird, a cute boutique in Mankato and I found SO many cute things and since I overthink I had a lot of thoughts when I was in the dressing room and I thought I would share them here!

The first dress I tried on was this cute sparkly dress.  It was stretchy and super cute.  The zipper glided up and fit like it was made for me.  Since I look at my body under a microscope when I try on a dress, I checked myself out from a few different angles and thankfully still liked how I looked.  The only thing I didn’t care for was the shoulder pads (my shoulders don’t need the help) but thankfully they can be removed.  I unzipped the dress, put it back on the hanger, and hung it on my “keep” peg.

Next up is this super sexy green party dress.  I walked past this dress a few times and with a little encouragement from the salesclerk I let her put it into the changing room.  As much as I adore plunging necklines and high slits, I had a feeling this dress wasn’t going to end up in my closet.  It fit and had I tried it on in male mode I probably would have bought it.  BUT! since I was wearing stockings and breast forms I quickly realized that this dress wasn’t for me.  For starters, the neckline was waaaay too plungly.  The bra I like to wear with my breast forms was showing too much and that’s sometimes not a problem because I can just tug the dress up a bit.  BUT! the high slit just got higher when I did that.  The top of my stockings were showing (as you can see in the photo) and between showing off waaaaaaaay too much leg and flashing everyone my bra, I decided that this dress was a better fit for someone else’s body.  I know I could skip the stockings but I love how they smooth out my leg and even out my skin color.  Nylons and pantyhose could do the trick, but they can make using the ladies room a little trickier especially when I was wearing a tightly cinched corset.  AND! I prefer stockings for a very practical reason.  If they get a run I can replace one stocking as opposed to tossing out a pair of nylons or tights.  And! I prefer stockings for a very superficial reason.  They are sexy.

As a t-girl, I have a love/hate relationship with dresses that have sleeves. Sometimes the sleeves are too tight, sometimes there is not enough accommodation for my broad shoulders (which can lead to split seams), and sometimes the sleeves simply aren’t long enough. I wasn’t expecting to love this dress as much as I did because of the sleeves, but I am happy to say that I was pleasantly surprised with it. The dress also has a nice cut which compliments my bust without it being toooooo plungy. The dress is short which, if I am being honest, I have no issues with. 🙂 This cute dress is hanging in my closet and I’ll probably wear it on my next time out.

Finally we have a vegan leather dress.  I love love love leather, and I particularly love vegan leather.  It has more of a stretch, it’s shinier, and it usually tends to be more affordable than real leather.  This was the first dress I picked out when I started shopping and as long as it fit, it was a definite buy.  Ironically enough, this dress also caused the most uncertainty of everything I tried on.  Although vegan leather tends to be stretchier, I am never super confident how well it will fit.  I picked the same dress in two different sizes to try on.  I am happy that both fit (especially the smaller of the two, lol) but therein lies the dilemma.  I liked the smaller size because it fit better.  Leather is supposed to be somewhat form fitting and I like to show off my curves (again, thanks to my corset, thigh pads, and breast forms).  BUT! the larger of the two was a LITTLE baggy.  I looked, to be honest, a little frumpy.  Can’t have that.  The smaller size was sexier and hugged my body more… but it was shorter and hung on my body differently.  I couldn’t decide if I wanted the tighter dress or the slightly more modest one.  This might be a surprise but there are some dresses in the world that even I think are tooooo short.  In the end I picked the smaller size.  I actually picked two colors (one black and the other white) of this dress.  I can never have enough black leather dresses but I didn’t have a white one.  Although the dress is short, I reminded myself that some dresses are meant to be worn while I am sitting, and some, like this one, should only be worn when I am standing.  

I am happy with what I picked out.  I hope my thoughts, my insecurities, my circular decision process was insightful if not relatable.  You are more than a dress size.  Not every dress will fit you.  Not every dress is designed for every single body.  Don’t let an ill-fitting dress ruin your day or dull your sparkle.

Love, Hannah 

New Year, New Clothes!

This past weekend was the first MN T-Girls event of 2022 and THEEEE best way to kick off the year is by doing a little shopping. We were invited for a private shopping event at The Blackbird in Mankato.

The Blackbird sells clothing, accessories, and gifts and it’s probably the cutest boutique I have ever been to. And I found so many cute things! I strutted out of there with four new dresses, some accessories, and some jewelry. It was so fun.

I can’t wait to wear my new outfits and to return to the Blackbird for new clothes. Much thanks to Ali and Brie for hosting us and helping us pick out new items for our closets. Mankato is a BIT of a drive from the Twin Cities but absolutely worth it.

Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

I am very curious about crossdressing, please let me know where I can shop.

It all depends on what you’re looking for.

Every t-girl/crossdresser is different and we all need and want different things.  Thankfully there are quite a few options out there.  When it comes to retailers that design for and market to our community, I shop online with En Femme, Xdress, Homme Mystere, Glamour Boutique, and the Breast Form Store the most.

I like Xdress and Homme Mystere for their beautiful, feminine lingerie. I like the Breast Form Store for their practical stuff, like forms, pads, and gaffsI like Glamour Boutique if I want something on the sexy side, and En Femme is a wonderful place for day to day clothes.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Ask Hannah!

Which stores are most friendly to crossdressers? 

June is Pride month and with how many businesses changing their social media profiles to rainbows you’d think EVERYONE loved us.  And why wouldn’t they?  We’re all so cute.

I can’t speak for every single business out there, but if we look at the major chains (such as the Targets and Walmarts and Starbucks of the world), all of them want our money, and they want people to shop at their stores.  Of course no store has a written discrimination policy.  It all comes down to training their employees to treat every guest/shopper with great customer service.  I can’t imagine any company explicitly writing in their training manual to be rude/mean to members of the LGBTQ+ community.  That being said, some companies do more than others to make their shoppers feel more welcome and included than others.  A few years ago Target announced that guests at their stores are invited to use the restrooms and fitting rooms that align with their gender identity. 

However, does this mean every t-girl and crossdresser will have a trouble-free shopping experience at Target?  No.  Remember, stores are run by people.  Stores are visited by people.  Target’s corporate policy seems to be inclusive, but the company’s mission statement can only go so far.  Sure, the cashier was trained to provide friendly customer service, but if they hate transpeople there’s a chance they’ll be rude to a girl like us, no matter what Target’s policy is.  Same thing with customers.  The first time I went out en femme I went to Target and the employees were nice, but I wouldn’t be surprised if a customer or two looked at me in a less than friendly way.

When it comes to a local business, I am a lot more confident I am welcome there if they have a “All Are Welcome Here” sign in their window, or something similar.  Businesses in more liberal parts of a city are likely to have more experience with someone from the LGBTQ+ community than a more rural area.  And yes I know there is an overly generalized statement and there are exceptions to everything.  I wish I I could provide a list of all the stores in the world that are friendly to the LGBTQ+ community but that is impossible.  Really the only way you’ll know is if you go there and decide for yourself if they deserve your money.

Related reading

All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Alluring T-Girls!

Saturday was the monthly MN T-Girls outing and we enjoyed a night at Allure, an upscale lingerie store for a private shopping party.

This was our third event at Allure and like the previous events the girls had an opportunity to get a bra fitting as well as shop for beautiful lingerie in a safe and supportive store.

I heart my new panties and lingerie and I”m sure you’ll find something there that you like, too!

Love, Hannah

Because I am Not Busy Enough

The most read articles on my website have to do with shopping, to some degree. It could be anything from finding one’s measurements, to how to try on clothes, how to determine your bra size, or simply feeling comfortable and welcomed when it comes to being in a store.

My emails reflect this activity as well. Much of the questions I get are everything from practical (such as the conversion ratio of man shoes to stilettos) to more emotional (like working up the courage to ask the makeup artist about what foundation shade is right for you).

From wigs to nails to makeup to heels to lingerie to skirts to jewelry, shopping for a girl like us can be intimidating, overwhelming, and expensive.

I am considering a new project, in a way. But I need your help.

For those of us who are not ready to hit the mall quite yet, and even for those who do, what kind of store or shopping is the top of your wish list? Is it your dream to get a bra fitting? Or getting help shopping for makeup?

Please let me know in the comments, thank you!

Love, Hannah

Moot Lingerie!

Did you know I love lingerie?

I think by now the entire internet knows that.

I also love businesses that specifically keep girls like us in mind when they design clothes, specifically lingerie.

When I find a designer like that, I do what I can to support them and bring some attention to what they do. I am happy to do this for Moot Lingerie!

From their website:

Moot is FOR EACH and every body who feels that Moot is for them

We stand in solidarity with humans, regardless of gender labels or sexuality. 

Moot will not discriminate on the grounds of anyone’s sexual or gender identity, everyone is equal and everyone is warmly welcomed to Moot

Here are some photos of their lingerie and where you can go to add it to your lingerie drawer!

Love, Hannah