Month: December 2020

Ask Hannah!

by Hannah

Have you ever hung out in guy mode with any of your T-girl group? I would think that may be a opportunity to help balance both sides of your genders. Expecting male friends to first understand what dressing is and then to accept it is asking a lot and I can’t think of any of my friends that I would or could share that with. But the T-girls are into dressing and share a common bond, so to speak, that eliminates the need to come out. I envy the outings that you and the group go on and hope to join in one day. I’m not there yet, but hopefully soon when life returns to normal.


I understand you wanting to keep your two lives separate and respect it. Hanna needs her secret identity and privacy. Just wondering if you’ve ever considered a drab get together or have done so in the past.


Love the blog, stay beautiful!

One of the reasons I created the MN T-Girls is so a girl like us can meet other girls like themselves.  Interacting with others, experiencing the world, is very different en femme compared to doing the same things in male mode.  Running errands as a boy?  BORING. 

Running the same errands in heels?  OMG.  I don’t feel the need to make new friends as a boy, but Hannah sure likes making new friends.  The group has never, nor will we ever, have an event for the men in our lives, so to speak.  Yes, some members have attended in male mode until they were ready to attend en femme, but the group is a safe place for our femme lives and we all have so few opportunities to be en femme.  Why waste a perfectly good evening as a boy when you can glam it up?  Besides, I don’t think any of us are that interested in getting to know each other’s male selves.  


Personally I don’t have any interest in sharing my male life when anyone that Hannah knows.  Who I am on the boy side of my life is kind of boring.  I don’t think anyone would care who Hannah is when she is he, if you follow me.  


On the opposite side of the coin I would like Hannah to know some of his friends, if that makes sense.  Not many, but a few.     

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

New En Femme Blog!

by Hannah

My new blog for En Femme has been published!

The latest article with blogger, trans-activist and fashionista, Hannah McKnight is now available on our Learning Center! Hannah’s blog discusses more in-depth her life as a self-described T-girl. In past articles for our Learning Center, Hannah has discussed her gender identity evolution and journey towards self-acceptance, coming out to friends and family, and coping during the lockdown.  

In “A Brighter Tomorrow” Hannah talks self-care during the pandemic and reflects on the struggles faced and lessons learned in 2020. Read it here!

Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

by Hannah

I have two questions if you don’t mind:

1) How do I know the right size breast forms for me?

2) How do I find the right shoe size?

I think proportions are the most crucial thing to keep in mind when it comes to selecting your breast forms.  Your height, your shape, your measurements, and even your age will all play a role in determining what is the right size.  The Breast Form Store has a ton of options when it comes to forms (and more) and they can help with recommending which forms are right for you.


As for shoes, generally speaking your femme size is one and a half times bigger than your boy size.  Generally.

I am a 10.5 in mens and I usually wear a size 12 heel.  But I can usually wear a 11.5 or an 11 wide.  Like clothes and stores, sizes will vary.  Torrid has a lot of size 12 heels but they run large so the heels I have from them are a size 11.  En Femme actually has a really helpful page to determine your femme size that I have found really helpful. In my experience Pleaser run really true to size and seem to be very consistent with the conversion (so to speak) of boy sizes to femme size.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

Just One of the Guys

by Hannah

No matter how hard I try to be just one of the guys
There’s a little something inside that won’t let me
No matter how hard I try to have an open mind
There’s a little voice inside that prevents me

-Jenny Lewis

I do my best to not generalize or stereotype in my writings.  I cringe a little whenever I get an email from a girl like us that reads something like “women NEVER wear heels anymore”. 

Obviously it’s not true and this generalization is hurtful.  Usually the email will go on to say that women don’t appreciate or take advantage of being allowed to wear cute clothes or whatever.  They usually imply that girls like us appreciate being a girl more than cis-women do.


Ugh.


For starters, competing and saying things like that is just… stupid.  I don’t like it when t-girls compare other t-girls or put them down by insulting or making derogatory comments based on their appearances or fashion choices.  I don’t think it’s healthy or nice or accurate to say that t-girls are more feminine than cis-women.  


Anyway, as much as I avoid generalization, I understand that this post is going to come across as very stereotypical.  Let me say that I am going to make some broad observations and musings but please know that anything I say will have some caveats and exceptions.  What I mean is that when I say “men don’t….” I really mean that I realize that not every man is like this, however based on my experience I feel that most men think that….”.

Make sense?


Anyone who knows Hannah or reads this website knows that I have two gender identities and I spend more of my life presenting as male than as a girl.  However in my male life very, very, VERY few people know about her.  And those that do aren’t really aware of how… active and prolific that my femme side is.  With the exception of my brother, I have never told any man about this side of me.  With him as an exception I have only come out to girls.  Three of the girls I have come out to were because I was dating them and one of them I was fortunate enough to marry.  I came out to my sisters and my mom, and a couple of my female friends.  I think that’s it.  


Why not more men?  Honestly I feel as hard as it is for anyone to understand this side of us, men have a harder time understanding or even being open to why a guy would want to wear heels or shave their legs or spend $80 on a makeover.  Why wouldn’t a guy WANT to be a guy and do guy things?


That’s not to say that a guy thinks why wouldn’t a guy want to do stereotypical guy things (like…uh, ice fishing and watching football or whatever), but more like why on Earth would anyone choose to spend all that time and money and effort in an outfit or their appearance? Why put yourself through the pain of getting your eyebrows threaded?  Again, I am not implying that men don’t care about their appearance or grooming, but the number of dudes wearing socks and sandals and pajama pants at Best Buy seem to suggest that the majority of men don’t put much effort in how they look.  


And yes, I know, I know, NOT ALL MEN.


I think many men equate anything feminine with being gay and there’s a lot of men out there that would rather die than anyone thinking they aren’t straight.  
I have listened to men for decades and more than once I have heard them complain about their girlfriends or their wives .  They don’t understand why a girl is spending so much time getting ready, or why they want to look cute when they are just running to the store, or why they are dressing up to go out to dinner with their sister.  Guys (again, I am generalizing) have no problem with wearing a t-shirt with a hole in it and sweatpants to meet their buddies for a beer.  


This is not to say that you need to wear a three piece suit to Buffalo Wild Wings or whatever but I think you understand.  


Men don’t understand why their future bride spends months looking for a perfect wedding dress to wear for one day or why she is getting her nails done every few weeks and can’t even grasp why she would spend $200 on a haircut. These perspectives are based on their own experiences.  A haircut for a guy is less than twenty dollars.  Guys just need to go to the tux shop to get fitted for their wedding.  Life couldn’t be easier for a cis/het guy.


So when a guy tells another guy that they have a side of them that wants to look beautiful, that they want to wear a cute outfit, that they are happy to spend an evening taking a really good shower, shaving their legs, and doing their nails most men will think that their buddy has lost their mind.  Why would ANYONE want to do that?  Why would a dude WANT to?

I mean, they have a point.  I don’t know why I want to do these things.  I don’t know why I do.  But when I have come out to girls they may not understand it, but they get it.  My wife likes to look cute when she runs errands or meet her girlfriends for lunch so she understands why Hannah wants to as well.  My wife has outfits that she wears that she feels cute in, and she gets why Hannah has clothes that do the same thing.  My wife, and I think many cis-women (again, based on my experiences) understand and can relate to wanting to look and feel a certain way.  Many women understand and can relate to how amazing their legs feel when they are smooth and freshly shaved.  She may not understand why I choose to do this but she can relate.  She gets why someone would want to do this.  She knows how much of a self-esteem boost it is to wear an outfit you feel amazing in.  She knows that leggings are comfier than jeans.  


In my experiences coming out to girls can go a number of ways but for the most part there is a level of understanding why someone would want to feel and look beautiful, regardless of them understanding why a guy would want to dress.  I don’t think most cis-women think or wonder why they themselves want to look cute or wear a certain outfit but then again most girls aren’t expected to have to explain why they feel this way so perhaps there isn’t as much soul-searching  or over-thinking as a t-girl will do.  


None of this is meant to suggest that my male friends are idiots or cruel or homophobic.  I have three very close male friends and I think they are all good people.  I wouldn’t be friends with them if they weren’t.  We all feel the same about social and LGBTQ+ rights, we all have friends or family members that aren’t in the cis/het categories.  I know that they like me and care about me.  I have not come out to them because I am afraid of being shunned or mocked, that’s not it.  I haven’t come out to them (for the most part) because I don’t know how to explain who I am in a context that they could relate to (as far as I know).  My wife understands the frustration of getting one eye perfect with your eyeliner and shadow and the other eye turning out to be a disaster.  My wife can relate to wanting to look cute, but I don’t know how to talk about Hannah to my guy friends.  


Coming out is one of the biggest decisions we will ever make.  The repercussions could be enormous.  The cat is out of the bag, the genie is out of the bottle.  You may never discuss *this* again with someone you come out to, but they know.  They will always know.  Coming out reveals our secret side to others, but coming out reveals a lot about the person we come out to.  You can never really predict how they will react regardless of what they have said in the past.  Sure, they may be supportive of the LGBTQ+ community but it might be a little different when their buddy of twenty years comes out to them.  Coming out is entrusting someone else to keep this a secret to.  To respect it.  Many of us are scared to death of everyone in our lives knowing about this and when we keep it a secret it’s easy to control who knows.  But when someone else knows…


Relationships, friendships, marriages… all of this can be destroyed or at the very least forever changed when we come out.  I don’t mean to scare anyone off from doing this, I just think we need to be very careful and thoughtful when we do.  


Will I come out to my male friends?  I doubt it.  When we come out to someone we usually do so with a purpose.  I came out to a roommate because with her random and sporadic sleep and work schedule I thought there was a good chance she might catch me wearing a nightgown so instead of surprising her I thought it would be best to tell her first.  I also didn’t want to always live in fear of being caught.  She was very cool about it.  I have come out to girls I have been in relationships with because they needed to know.  I came out to my sisters and my mom because, well, I had hoped that they would want to get to know Hannah.  That hasn’t happened.  My family is very supportive of the LGBTQ+ community, but as I said earlier, it might be a little weird for them when it’s someone you know to adjust to this revelation.  Coming out would also impact my wife as well.  Not only would my friends (and likely their spouses) see me in a new light, they would also see my wife differently as well.  They would have a glimpse into a side of our marriage that few people have. 

 
The only reason I can think of why I would want to come out to my male friends is because, well, they’re my friends.  I don’t expect them (or necessarily want them to) to know Hannah the way they know me.  I don’t want Hannah to meet them for dinner or anything like that.  I I would come out to them because I think they would want to know.  If any of my friends had something like this to share, I would want them to tell me.  I think I would almost be hurt if I knew they were keeping something like this from me, especially if they weren’t sure of how I would react.  


Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

by Hannah

Fear is something we all come across at sometime. I guess the biggest fear about crossdressing is getting caught. Not just getting caught wearing femme attire but buying femme stuff in male mode in public. I used to drive miles away from home where no one would recognize me and go shopping. Still you would get stares while going through say a hosiery display at a store. I have to say this day and age we live in makes much easier. i remember placing my 1st order from enfemmestyle.com. I was excited about getting my new skirt, bra and panty set, and waist cincher, but I still had worries about my package coming to my home and getting opened by someone else by mistake. I voiced my concern the enfemme and they suggested that I have my package delivered to a UPS store, and I have to say this was the perfect solution. Pay simple fee of $5 and a gurl has what she needs. Also ordering on line and picking up at the store works ok also. I have ordered hosiery from JC Penney online and when I went to pick up my order at the store I would play the role of some guy picking up an order for a wife or girlfriend. Amazon is great especially this time of year. You are ordering gifts and blend in a few gifts for your femme side. Hannah is what I pointed out a good solution and do you have any further solutions for a tgirl?

Some might say that we are paranoid but I feel that paranoia is what keeps us safe.  On the other hand it’s easy to overthink.  Yes, I would be terrified if someone besides myself opened up something I ordered from En Femme, but at the same time I can’t recall an instance where someone other than myself opened a piece of mail or a package that was sent to me.

Fortunately En Femme, along with many of the other designers understand how crucial privacy and discretion are to their clients so most send out our orders in plan, unremarkable packaging.  


And yes, I would agree that having items sent to a UPS store is a great idea.  Amazon also offers to ship orders to secure “lockers” that are usually found in malls or other public places which are opened by using a special code.  You may also want to consider getting a p.o. box which are relatively inexpensive.


On a related note, this side of us is something that some of us keep from our significant others.  Most of you know my feelings and thoughts about not being upfront about this so I won’t get into that, but keep in mind how having a secret p.o. box (or something similar) would look to our partners were they to find out.  If you are caught or once you come out anything you’ve kept from them could come to light and whether it’s an email account or a mailing address that they weren’t aware of it will likely lead your partner to wonder what else you were keeping from them.

As for shopping in male mode, yes it’s not tooooooooooo common for a guy to be in the hosiery or makeup section.  You may have someone look at you and they might wonder why you’re there but they will just as quickly move onto their own business.  They MIGHT think something, but really, who cares?  For starters unless you ask them you really don’t know what they think.  And who cares what they think?  Picking up an order or purchasing a dress in male mode MIGHT make a cashier wonder why a guy is buying a dress but I assure you once you leave their register they will probably stop thinking about it.  Just relax, don’t act out of the ordinary.  Don’t be weird. Don’t make it weird. 


Years ago when I would purchase something in male mode I would ask the cashier something like “if this doesn’t fit, can she return it?”.  It was my intention that they would think I was purchasing it for my wife.  But after a while I realized they probably don’t care at all.  When I worked in retail I didn’t care what people bought.  When I was a cashier I would ring up a hundred people a day and after my shift I couldn’t tell you a single thing that anyone bought…. but I did remember when a customer was weird or when the transaction was anything other than mundane.  Keep in mind that you are not the first, nor the last, nor the only guy who has ever purchased panties at Target.

Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!

I Hear You

by Hannah

I do my best to help girls like us.  Sometimes it’s being asked about makeup or where to find heels in their size, but I get just as many questions and emails about the more difficult and emotional and serious side of who we are.


I try to be gentle and direct and honest.  Many of us are conflicted or confused or scared about who we are.  Many of us are in denial.  When I tell others like us that we are who we are, we can’t change (and there’s no reason to), I want that message to be comforting.  Yes, this side of us certainly doesn’t make life easier, but knowing that there’s nothing wrong with who you are is the first step towards accepting who you are.  It’s the first step we take when we stop resisting what we want (and what we want to wear).  Ending the fight against yourself is how you get to embracing and celebrating who we are.  


I understand and respect and am honored by the trust that people put into me and what I write.  I take every email seriously (except the ones from the guys who keep asking me to sissify them).  Sometimes questions come to me through email, sometimes they are submitted through the ‘Ask Hannah’ section.  And sometimes the questions come anonymously and really, that’s okay.  I understand the fear of being outed and how hard many of us try to not have any trail of our male identity to a website like mine.  In many, many ways, caution and paranoia protect us.  I totally get that.    


I respond to most emails I get with a few exceptions (seriously, stop asking me to sissify you) and most of the emails seem to be from one’s femme email account.  I don’t think it’s uncommon for many of us to have multiple email accounts.  I certainly do.  Some emails are from what is obviously “his” email account.  Rest assured your information is safe with me.  Some questions are sent to me from fake email addresses though but the questions and concerns are serious and personal.  Many messages like this are sent in the very late (or very early) hours of the day.  The time of the day when our thoughts are the loudest.  The time of the day when most of the world (or your family) is asleep.  The time when we reflect and think about… well, everything.  


When I get an email that I can’t respond to because it’s a fake email account, it does make me concerned.  It’s normal for me to get a message from someone who is pouring their heart out about this side of them.  They are truly worried, scared, lonely about who they are.  They want help, they want friends, they want someone to talk to.  I want to help, I want to offer support and resources but I can’t reply to an email that isn’t real.


Again, I do understand and can relate to not using an email address that can be traced to our male lives.  I totally get that so I understand why one would use a fake email.  


When I get those emails in the wee small hours of the morning I want to offer resources and ways to connect to girls like us.  We need friends like us.  


If you are reading this and you are lonely, afraid, or sad and need help I want to help you.  And I will, to the best that I am able.  If you write to me and don’t provide a way for me to respond then I can’t do anything.  And again, I get it.  If have written to me and needed help, but didn’t provide a way for me to respond, I would have replied with these resources and links:


-First of all, there’s nothing wrong with who you are and what you want to wear.  You are who you are and you are beautiful.  The world doesn’t understand us and that’s okay.  I don’t understand us either 🙂

-If you are looking to make friends with girls like us, then I recommend creating a profile and posting on the forums on crossdressers.com and transgenderheaven.com-If you need support please find a local chapter of PFLAG.


And the most serious resource I can point you towards is Trans Lifeline.


I hope this helps.  As much as I talk about eyeliner and stilettos and shamelessly post photos of myself, I understand and can relate to how our gender identity can cause a lot of pain, confusion, isolation, and fear.  


And thank you for trusting me and for reaching out.  I wish I could do more.
Love, Hannah

Dressember!

by Hannah

I had never heard of Dressember until I received an email from Chris Dorso who is raising money for charity by wearing a dress every day (in male mode) for the month. I asked Chris to write a little about Dressember and I am excited to share what he’s doing. Please consider donating.

Love, Hannah

I stumbled on Dressember late last month after a number of friends did Movember fundraisers, and thought, “ooh, this looks like I could be a lot of fun.” The Dressember Foundation raises money and awareness for the prevention of trafficking, along with intervention and protection of victims. I was a little wary because I really knew nothing about the charity, but Guidestar and Charity Navigator gave it their highest ratings, so I figured it was safe to say that the funds raised would go where they were supposed to go.
The next challenge for me was finding dresses. I’ve done drag on stage, and I’ve worn female Halloween costumes over the last few years, so I had a small stash of dresses and shoes and tights in my closet, but I figured I could probably reach out to friends for help too.

I registered for the event and built my landing page and sent it to my wife to see what she thought. She’s generally been really supportive of my crossdressing Halloween ideas, but a whole month, especially considering the holidays, was probably a heavier lift. Her opinion and comfort level is really important to me. Thankfully, she said it sounded like a fun idea. Her one caveat – “you’re not stretching out any of my dresses!” Emoji


I then sent the link to a few local friends and asked if they would be willing to help. They jumped on board immediately, and that day, I ran around town picking up bags full of dresses they were going to donate anyway. I’ve had friends from literally all over the country send me stuff to wear, which has been fantastic.


I set my goal at $500 — I figured if I encouraged folks to just give a few dollars each, that was probably a safe goal. I posted a picture on social media on the afternoon of December 1, along with the Dressember story… and by the following morning, I’d blown past that goal!


My boss donated. My colleagues donated. My sister donated. My in-laws donated. Friends from high school and college donated. Friends of friends donated. Response to my pictures — a bald guy wearing dresses — were unbelievable. Fridays are “Fancy Fridays” for Dressember, so on Day 4, I pulled out a short red dress that I got at a thrift store and a pair of over-knee boots and took a picture next to our Christmas tree — and donations absolutely exploded!
As of this writing, I’m already in the top twenty of all participants on the Dressember main site, and the whole experience has just been absolutely incredible. And the best response has been from my kids. They’ve both been wildly supportive also, and that has absolutely meant the world to me.


Ultimately, wearing dresses is super fun. They’re colorful, they’re comfortable, and ultimately, clothes don’t have a gender, and what I’m wearing is entirely my business. I’ve gotten some looks as I’ve been out and about, and I’ve become quite comfortable to meet every one of them with a nod and a hello.


I’m excited for the rest of the month. I’ve got a few more Fancy Fridays, plus Christmas and New Year’s, and I figure if I keep pushing the envelope every time, I’m going to raise a lot of money for a great cause.


Sexy Monday

by Hannah

Hi, good morning!  It’s Monday and let’s talk about sex.  Or more specifically, talk about why I don’t talk about sex (very much).


Although I understand how gender identity/sexual identity can overlap and I understand that this side of us can be a fetish to some (whether it’s because wearing a dress arouses someone or you are sexually attracted to a girl like us) I don’t feel there is necessarily a connection between sex and gender.  At least not for me.  Some crossdressers tell me that they are a 1000000000000% straight but as soon as they slip on panties then their sexual preference becomes a little more…. ah, flexible.  Now, I could be wrong but my assumption is that their sexual preference was ALWAYS flexible (or equal opportunity so to speak) but someone may not acknowledge it until they are dressed.  I feel that accepting and embracing this side of us can be a HUGE step outside of our comfort zone and for many of us we become a lot less inhibited.  It’s certainly that way for me.  When I am en femme I tend to become more social and chattier and outgoing, I become more comfortable drawing attention, more so than I am in male mode.  I feel freer and willing to be more vulnerable.  


But I think I am willing and more comfortable to do that in male mode than I realize.  Being en femme kind of… forces me out of my shell, in a way.  It’s not as easy to ignore a six-foot tall t-girl in a bright pink dress and stilettos at Target as it is to ignore a guy wearing a hoodie and jeans.  


My point is that we are probably who we always are, whether in male mode or en femme, but our gender presentation makes it easier (or safer, perhaps) to reveal some sides of us.
That being said, I am always prepared for the sexual identity/sexual preferences questions when I come out to someone.  I’ve been asked if Hannah likes boys for example (she does not, and neither do I).  Who I am attracted to does not change when I am en femme or in drab.  I don’t feel there is a sexual/fetishistic aspect to my dressing.  Being en femme, even in lingerie, does not arouse me.  I might feel cuter than normal but it doesn’t go beyond that.  


I don’t write about sex that often because sex is a very personal conversation but also because there is no sexual connection to my gender identity.  But I acknowledge that for many of us there is.  


I also know that for many of our significant others there is some confusion and likely some fear that there is.  For those of us who have been outed or discovered by their significant others it’s not unusual for them to have felt that they were lied to.  And honestly they kind of were.  This side of you is not going away and when you commit to someone then really, all cards need to be on the table (and yes I know it’s not as easy as that but that’s a conversation for another time).  Once the truth comes out, then more things come to light.  That business trip you took?  Well, it was actually a chance to go to Las Vegas for a femme makeover.  That Amazon package you received?  It wasn’t a network cable you ordered for work, it was a cute dress.  And so on.  Pretty soon your significant other doesn’t know what to think or what to believe.  Are you talking to other crossdressers?  Are you meeting other crossdressers?  Are you hooking up with them?  This is a valid fear.  What is the truth?  


When our significant others learn about our gender identity/fetish/however you identify when it comes to this side of us, it’s not uncommon for them to google “crossdresser” or “transgender”.  Aaaaand some of the first sites to pop up will be related to sex or how to MEET A CROSSDRESSER IN YOUR AREA!, or other fun results along those lines.  The internet will have you believe that there is a sexual side to our gender identity and to be fair, for some of us there is.  Despite not writing about sex very much, my website is often discovered by people searching for “sex with a crossdresser” or “trans girl fetish” or something along those lines.  I know this because I can look up search terms that people use to find my site.  It doesn’t take long for someone to realize that although I write a lot about gender identity and I wear leather or other fetishy clothes, there’s very little that I write about when it comes to SEX.  I might wear a dress that shows off my legs or strut in some pretty amazing stilettos, but it’s not like I am bending over so you can see my panties or anything like that.  There’s a difference between sexy and sexual.  


Despite what I write (or don’t write) about, I accept that my site and my gender identity can often fall into the realms of sex or things of sexual nature.  


I got to thinking about all this when I learned that my website was listed at number 80 for 2020’s Top Sex Blogs .  I made this list last year as well but came in at 95, so I guess I am moving up.  Even though I don’t consider myself a sex writer, I am happy that my site and writings are being read.  Having my photos “liked” is a nice validation for how I look (and how I feel I look) but others reading what I write read is also a validation that maybe my thoughts are worth looking at.


Anyway I have no idea how I made this list.  Did people vote for me?  If so, thank you.  It means a lot that people think I have something of quality to contribute.  


Okay, have a nice day.

Love, Hannah

Hannah Asks!

by Hannah

When the seasons change we can look forward to different outfits.  I know that’s a little shallow but it’s still the truth.  I love cute minidresses but there’s a lot to be said for sweaters and cute skirts and boots, too.  However, after a few months I am ready for a new season and new styles and I’ll be longing for the days of minidresses again . The cycle will always continue.

Winter is usually a little hard, especially here in Minnesota.  It gets cold and it lasts entirely too long.  How long will winter last?  No one knows.  As of this writing the high today will be close to the 40’s (which is warm for this time of year) and there’s not a single snowflake to be found.  On the flipside winter could last until April, so there’s that I guess.


It’s easy to feel cooped up in the winter.  Going out is more work and wearing a winter coat makes me feel and look bigger than I am and it covers up my outfit.  Again I know this shallow, but it’s true.  And!  Icy sidewalks and stilettos are not a good match.  


The next month (and likely beyond) will be even more stressful and depressing than usual as COVID is (and should) trigger more restrictions and shelter-in-place orders.  When most states experienced this in the spring it was hard but as time passed the weather improved and although we couldn’t do too much at least we could dress up and get outdoors.  The first few times going out en femme this year after too much time indoors under lockdown and winter was absolutely blissful.  It wasn’t easy but we got through it.  I’m feeling anxious already about the next few months.  God only knows when winter will end and when it will be safer to go back to normal.  In male mode I can tough it out, but Hannah?  It’s not going to be as easy.  


As someone who is bi-gender I have a need to express my femme side.  To live in her world from time to time.  To dress up and hit the mall.  I can, and I do dress at home but it’s not the same.  


Although I feel that this winter will be harder than the spring was, part of me feels more prepared than I was earlier this year.  It’s important to have something to look forward to.  It’s important to know you will live through something when you have already done so.  Hannah made it through the first part of the year and the first wave of lockdown and I know she and I will do so again.  When I am feeling anxious or depressed about not going out I can recall how wonderful it was the first few times Hannah stepped out when restrictions were eased and the weather improved.  


When you are going through something difficult or something that causes anxiety or depresses you it’s crucial you acknowledge it.  Denying or ignoring something only works for so long.  I think one of the hardest things about this year was adjusting from waiting for all this to pass to accepting that things were very different and the previous life we knew is over.  Even when the vaccine is available and masks aren’t required when we leave the house the world is going to be very different than how it used to be.  In some ways it will be better, I hope.


I don’t know what the world will be like in six months and that causes a lot of anxiety.  I am used to knowing, more or less, how my year would play out.  When I would travel for work, what holidays would look like, and what to look forward to.  This year all of that has gone out the window and I couldn’t even guess what the next two weeks will be like.  Despite all of this, I feel better prepared emotionally and mentally for the next few months than I felt earlier this year.  I know what the spring was like and how wonderful it was the go out en femme when some of the restrictions were lifted.  I suppose I have that to look forward to.  That day is (eventually) coming.  


Collectively we are all going through this.  But our little community has our femme side to take care of too.  For some of us we aren’t able to dress at home so going out is our only opportunity to do so but going out isn’t the same anymore.  Some of us can only dress at home but with their kids doing school remotely it’s not possible to do that.  Taking care of ourselves, whether in a pandemic or not is essential.  Taking care of our femme selves is also crucial.


I’m curious as to how you all are doing right now.  I’d love to know how you are preparing for the winter and this new round of restrictions.  


Love, Hannah

Ask Hannah!

by Hannah

I live in Casper Wyoming and am trying to find a good gender therapist. I am currently seeing a psychologist that said she handled gender issues, but I really get the feeling she is just guessing at how to handle things.
If I look on the internet, there are several people who claim to be gender counselors, but how do I find a GOOD one. One that really knows the transgender community, and not just someone who is checking a block on their resume.
Is there any help you can offer, or direction you can point me in? 

I’ve been to several therapists throughout my life but never one specifically for my gender identity.  However, choosing who to work with, regardless of why you are seeing a therapist, should be based on how you feel when speaking with them.  If you click, great.  If they don’t seem knowledgeable about what you want to talk about, then they are probably not the right fit for you.  It sounds to me that you know this psychologist is not the person that is best qualified for what you are looking for.I am afraid I can’t offer much advice on finding a gender therapist.  But we are a community!  🙂  Anyone reading this have any suggestions??  Please comment below.


Love, Hannah

Have a question for me?  Oh yes you do.  Ask me here!